Fic: But How Do You Really Feel...?
Dec. 23rd, 2005 06:46 pm![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
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sga_santaTitle: But How Do You Really Feel?
Author:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
mboyd
Pairing: McKay/Sheppard
Rating: R if you really squint
Recipient:tigs
Spoilers: Vague reference to "Critical Mass" and "Trinity"
Summary: Tofu, avoidance and acceptance.
But How Do You Really Feel?
The mission to Goren'da resulted in two discoveries. The first; that tofu looked and tasted the same, no matter what galaxy you were in and what it was called. The second, John was really not going to dwell on at the moment and as soon as the (edited) post-mission recap was complete, he was out the door before anyone else had even stood from their chairs.
***
Two hours John's forearms ached and a pile of targets lay scattered on the floor of the firing range. Major Lorne and one of the new Marines-Lt. Johnson, John remembered-joined him and as Johnson was searching his bag for what turned out to be safety goggles, Lorne cleared his throat. "Sir, if you don't mind me saying," Lorne began, looking somewhere between confused and amused.
"What is it, Major?" John clicked on the safety of his 9mm and turned toward the other man.
"Those are some interesting choices." Lorne was definitely amused, John decided, as he watched a smirk fight its way to the surface. John looked at the line of targets, each bearing a cluster of bullet holes in the standard locations-head, chest, vague mouth area, and neck down to groin. Huh.
"Thanks." John's ears felt hot and the room was far too crowded for his liking, suddenly. "I, uh, have a training session with Teyla."
He absolutely did not run from the room. It just looked that way.
***
"Since returning from our latest mission, Colonel, you have been acting strangely. Is everything alright?" Teyla asked an hour later, looking down at John. From his vantage point--flat on his ass and thoroughly beaten--the familiar tilt of her head, the look she got when she was trying to figure out some puzzle, looked new and curious.
"Of course everything is fine. Why wouldn't it be?" John asked, accepting the hand that was offered to him.
Her raised eyebrow spoke volumes, but her voice was calm and slow as she spoke. "I know the ritual was not what you were expecting. I don't believe any of us could have anticipated such a request, but your restless and preoccupied behavior leads me to believe you were more unnerved than you let on."
"How should I act? That's not something a guy does with the members of his team everyday. Did they want to embarrass us into a good trade agreement?"
"There ritual was not intended to shame anyone. I believe it was designed to indicate the level of trust they could invest in a potential trading partner and ally by revealing the deepest truth. To know such truth, to acknowledge it, helps to ensure the relationship between the Gorenfaie and their partners will be strong. I gather that the ritual is different each time it is performed. In our case, Dr. McKay played an integral part."
"That's for sure." John swiped his towel over his face, feeling the phantom touch of Rodney's hands on him as they stood in the middle of the ceremonial square.
"The truth is never easy, John, but you cannot deny what was revealed. Or that you are not alone in this truth." Teyla's hand slid to cup the back of John's neck. "You know what you must do."
"I have to go find McKay," John answered, smiling. He touched his forehead to Teyla's and left the training room.
This time, he runs.
***
"He is not here, Colonel," Radek announced, his eyes never leaving his computer screen.
"Where'd he go?" John knew he sounded like a petulant child, but in his defense, it had been a trying day and he could feel a bruise the size and shape of a fighting stick forming across his shoulders.
"I do not know. All I know is you broke him." Radek's tone and the look on his face when he met John's eyes was not unlike the one he sported on his return from that planets with the kids--sans the face paint and braids, that is.
"I did what?"
"He comes in from post-mission meeting and the rest of the day he is off in lala land. And when I ask about power gradient tests he says he kissplaced them. And then he turns bright red and stomps off muttering about ostriches and colonels and from there I tune him out. I figure you broke him, you fix him."
John doesn't have anything to say to answer that, so he turns and walks out of the lab and wonders who he'll run into next and what advice they'll have to offer. He knows it's asking too much for a Wraith attack or sea monster invasion.
***
As it turns out, he doesn't have to wait long and it's the one person he (really doesn't, but okay sort-of, yes) needs to talk to that knocks on his door.
"We kissed." John barely has time to mourn the lack of Earth doors, with their doorknobs and ability to be stopped mid-motion and closed, before Rodney pushed his way inside the room. The door hadn't even finished sliding open. In a completely mature and not-at-all attempt to delay this particular conversation, John made sure the door had snicked shut before turning around.
"Hi Rodney. Come on in." John kept his voice even, calm, he could do this.
"I mean really, what the hell kind of society makes their guests make out in order to prove that, yes, we are good people and can be trusted to trade with? What if we had asked for a ZPM? Would we have had to re-enact Last Tango in Paris with the Gorenfaie's version of yak butter?" John saw the shiver run down Rodney's spine and the blush that reddened his face made John's fingers tingle. Shaking his head, Rodney continued. "The point is, we kissed. I had to kiss Ronon and Teyla, too, and they haven't been acting like I'm a walking advertisement for the cooties. Granted, those kisses were. And ours was-
Rodney waved his hand between them in either an allusion to their public display of affection or to clear dust motes from the air.
"We kissed. A lot. And then you avoid me like the plague, I can't get any work done, and Ronon not only gave me his Jell-O at lunch but he also I think, gave us his blessing, which was all kinds of strange. So are you going to keep running from me forever or are you going to get your head out of your ass so we can talk about this?"
And at that, Rodney stopped and collapsed into a chair as if he'd suddenly just run out of energy.
"I really don't do well with the not-knowing thing," he said quietly, letting his head drop into his hands.
"They wanted to make sure we were honest," John explained, crouching in front of Rodney.
"And making me play kissy face with the three of you was the way to prove we're honest?" Rodney rubbed his temple, and the desire to nuzzle the soft hairs there was so strong John felt his knees give out and he sat back on his heels.
"Not exactly." John gives in to the need to touch, resting his hands on Rodney's thighs, just above his knees. "From what I gathered, they're a bit obsessed with self-knowledge. Make a potential ally admit his deepest desire and that means he won't skimp you on your trade."
"Why me, though? You're one in charge. Teyla negotiates. Ronon's just...Ronon." Warm fingertips brush over the backs of John's hands.
"You keep us together, have kept us alive on more occasions than I'd like to count. And there's this." John laced their fingers together, squeezing. "We can't claim ignorance that it's been there, that it is there."
"So what do we do?"
John leaned up and pressed a kiss to Rodney's mouth, smiling when Rodney's lips parted and the kiss deepened and the remembered feeling of scratchy stubble and sharp teeth were again a reality.
"So that's your answer?" Rodney asked when they broke apart, his fingers having found their way into John's hair, holding tight. "Just like that? You're not going to run away again, are you?"
"It would be dishonest." John shifted, easing the pressure on his growing erection. "And I don't think I could handle any more heart-to-hearts. Radek yelled at me for breaking you."
"Good man." Rodney sounded smug and John had to act. Standing up, he pulled Rodney forward, smashing their mouths together again and maneuvering them toward the bed.
"Why haven't we been doing this since day one?" John asked, tugging at the zipper of Rodney's shirt and kissing each centimeter of newly exposed skin.
"Because you're an idiot and I've been told I can be a bit, thick." The last word stuttered from Rodney's lips as John's hand moved to the front of his pants and squeezed.
"No arguments there." Rodney rolled his eyes and John licked a stripe up the muscle of his neck. "So here's where I say I'm sorry for being an ass.
Rodney's hands cupped the body part in question, and ground their hips together.
"And ask how I can make it up to you."
"Oh. Oh. Yes, I was in quite a st-state of severe emotional distress." John's hand stopped just over Rodney's navel, his thumb brushing lightly over the patch of skin just under the top button of Rodney's BDUs. "Hello, why are we stopping?"
"Last Tango in Paris?" John whispered, running his tongue around the curve of Rodney's ear. His next words were exhaled onto the cooling skin. "Got a kinky streak there, McKay?"
"Shut up."
And John did.
He had better things to focus on, anyway.
***
Deleted scene: Overheard in the mess hall.
"Oh come on, can't a guy have a nice quiet meal with no one bothering him?" Rodney asked as first the tray full of food and then the gun, leather duster and dreads came into view.
"Can't a guy sit with a member of his team?" Ronon retorted, twisting off a drumstick from the four-legged Cornish hen-like fowl that was on the menu for the day.
"Yes," Rodney said slowly. "I would be far less suspicious, though, if this was a standard practice for you."
Ronon shrugged and began to devour his meal. "So, Goren'da."
"I knew it. I knew there was some ulterior motive." Rodney nearly flung half of his salad off of his fork as he gestured. "It was a bizarre demand, but, really, would you have preferred they use us for target practice with their slingshots? Those weren't pebbles they were shooting, they looked like horse chestnuts. And you were the one who suggested the place. Didn't you know..."
"Easy, McKay." Ronon deposited one thoroughly cleaned bone onto his plate. Tearing off another drumstick, he pointed it at Rodney. "I wasn't a part of the trading expeditions there. The whole Ren ceremony never came up in conversation, and believe me, I would've mentioned it if it had."
"Don't tell me you're going to have some bout of heterosexual panic as well. Could you please at least wait until I'm done eating? I would prefer not to have teeth mixed in with my meal."
"I'm not going to hit you." Ronon's grin was amused, bordering on feral. "It wasn't *that* good of a kiss. I've had enemies kiss me with more interest."
"Are you saying it was a bad kiss?" Rodney let the fork fall from his hand. "I've never had anyone--"
He stopped when he realized Ronon was laughing, and not just laughing, *giggling*.
"You're an okay guy, McKay." Ronon pushed his bowl of Jell-O towards Rodney.
"Oh no, you're not... you're not making a pass at me, are you? Flirting. Trying to butter me up." Rodney added when Ronon's brow creased.
"It's a peace offering. Not an offer to be my mate." Ronon snorted, regarding Rodney with hunter's eyes. "No offense, but...no."
Rodney poked at the Jell-O with his spoon, finally deciding to accept the offer. And he did like the blue flavor.
"Besides, I don't think Sheppard would appreciate if I did that."
Fond as he may be about blue Jell-O - aspirating it through the nasal cavity was *not* the way Rodney wanted to enjoy it.
"Excuse me?"
Ronon leaned back and cocked his head to the side before answering. "After Goren'da? It's pretty obvious. You two."
"I have no idea what you're talking about." It's a weak argument and Ronon knows damn well Rodney's lying.
"Whatever. It's cool, you know. It explains a lot." Picking up a handful of almost-lettuce, Ronon waggles an eyebrow. "So when did you two--"
"Enjoy your meal and your wild speculation. Good bye." The last Rodney yelled over his shoulder, near-running to get away from Ronon and his questions.
Author:
mboydPairing: McKay/Sheppard
Rating: R if you really squint
Recipient:
tigsSpoilers: Vague reference to "Critical Mass" and "Trinity"
Summary: Tofu, avoidance and acceptance.
But How Do You Really Feel?
The mission to Goren'da resulted in two discoveries. The first; that tofu looked and tasted the same, no matter what galaxy you were in and what it was called. The second, John was really not going to dwell on at the moment and as soon as the (edited) post-mission recap was complete, he was out the door before anyone else had even stood from their chairs.
***
Two hours John's forearms ached and a pile of targets lay scattered on the floor of the firing range. Major Lorne and one of the new Marines-Lt. Johnson, John remembered-joined him and as Johnson was searching his bag for what turned out to be safety goggles, Lorne cleared his throat. "Sir, if you don't mind me saying," Lorne began, looking somewhere between confused and amused.
"What is it, Major?" John clicked on the safety of his 9mm and turned toward the other man.
"Those are some interesting choices." Lorne was definitely amused, John decided, as he watched a smirk fight its way to the surface. John looked at the line of targets, each bearing a cluster of bullet holes in the standard locations-head, chest, vague mouth area, and neck down to groin. Huh.
"Thanks." John's ears felt hot and the room was far too crowded for his liking, suddenly. "I, uh, have a training session with Teyla."
He absolutely did not run from the room. It just looked that way.
***
"Since returning from our latest mission, Colonel, you have been acting strangely. Is everything alright?" Teyla asked an hour later, looking down at John. From his vantage point--flat on his ass and thoroughly beaten--the familiar tilt of her head, the look she got when she was trying to figure out some puzzle, looked new and curious.
"Of course everything is fine. Why wouldn't it be?" John asked, accepting the hand that was offered to him.
Her raised eyebrow spoke volumes, but her voice was calm and slow as she spoke. "I know the ritual was not what you were expecting. I don't believe any of us could have anticipated such a request, but your restless and preoccupied behavior leads me to believe you were more unnerved than you let on."
"How should I act? That's not something a guy does with the members of his team everyday. Did they want to embarrass us into a good trade agreement?"
"There ritual was not intended to shame anyone. I believe it was designed to indicate the level of trust they could invest in a potential trading partner and ally by revealing the deepest truth. To know such truth, to acknowledge it, helps to ensure the relationship between the Gorenfaie and their partners will be strong. I gather that the ritual is different each time it is performed. In our case, Dr. McKay played an integral part."
"That's for sure." John swiped his towel over his face, feeling the phantom touch of Rodney's hands on him as they stood in the middle of the ceremonial square.
"The truth is never easy, John, but you cannot deny what was revealed. Or that you are not alone in this truth." Teyla's hand slid to cup the back of John's neck. "You know what you must do."
"I have to go find McKay," John answered, smiling. He touched his forehead to Teyla's and left the training room.
This time, he runs.
***
"He is not here, Colonel," Radek announced, his eyes never leaving his computer screen.
"Where'd he go?" John knew he sounded like a petulant child, but in his defense, it had been a trying day and he could feel a bruise the size and shape of a fighting stick forming across his shoulders.
"I do not know. All I know is you broke him." Radek's tone and the look on his face when he met John's eyes was not unlike the one he sported on his return from that planets with the kids--sans the face paint and braids, that is.
"I did what?"
"He comes in from post-mission meeting and the rest of the day he is off in lala land. And when I ask about power gradient tests he says he kissplaced them. And then he turns bright red and stomps off muttering about ostriches and colonels and from there I tune him out. I figure you broke him, you fix him."
John doesn't have anything to say to answer that, so he turns and walks out of the lab and wonders who he'll run into next and what advice they'll have to offer. He knows it's asking too much for a Wraith attack or sea monster invasion.
***
As it turns out, he doesn't have to wait long and it's the one person he (really doesn't, but okay sort-of, yes) needs to talk to that knocks on his door.
"We kissed." John barely has time to mourn the lack of Earth doors, with their doorknobs and ability to be stopped mid-motion and closed, before Rodney pushed his way inside the room. The door hadn't even finished sliding open. In a completely mature and not-at-all attempt to delay this particular conversation, John made sure the door had snicked shut before turning around.
"Hi Rodney. Come on in." John kept his voice even, calm, he could do this.
"I mean really, what the hell kind of society makes their guests make out in order to prove that, yes, we are good people and can be trusted to trade with? What if we had asked for a ZPM? Would we have had to re-enact Last Tango in Paris with the Gorenfaie's version of yak butter?" John saw the shiver run down Rodney's spine and the blush that reddened his face made John's fingers tingle. Shaking his head, Rodney continued. "The point is, we kissed. I had to kiss Ronon and Teyla, too, and they haven't been acting like I'm a walking advertisement for the cooties. Granted, those kisses were. And ours was-
Rodney waved his hand between them in either an allusion to their public display of affection or to clear dust motes from the air.
"We kissed. A lot. And then you avoid me like the plague, I can't get any work done, and Ronon not only gave me his Jell-O at lunch but he also I think, gave us his blessing, which was all kinds of strange. So are you going to keep running from me forever or are you going to get your head out of your ass so we can talk about this?"
And at that, Rodney stopped and collapsed into a chair as if he'd suddenly just run out of energy.
"I really don't do well with the not-knowing thing," he said quietly, letting his head drop into his hands.
"They wanted to make sure we were honest," John explained, crouching in front of Rodney.
"And making me play kissy face with the three of you was the way to prove we're honest?" Rodney rubbed his temple, and the desire to nuzzle the soft hairs there was so strong John felt his knees give out and he sat back on his heels.
"Not exactly." John gives in to the need to touch, resting his hands on Rodney's thighs, just above his knees. "From what I gathered, they're a bit obsessed with self-knowledge. Make a potential ally admit his deepest desire and that means he won't skimp you on your trade."
"Why me, though? You're one in charge. Teyla negotiates. Ronon's just...Ronon." Warm fingertips brush over the backs of John's hands.
"You keep us together, have kept us alive on more occasions than I'd like to count. And there's this." John laced their fingers together, squeezing. "We can't claim ignorance that it's been there, that it is there."
"So what do we do?"
John leaned up and pressed a kiss to Rodney's mouth, smiling when Rodney's lips parted and the kiss deepened and the remembered feeling of scratchy stubble and sharp teeth were again a reality.
"So that's your answer?" Rodney asked when they broke apart, his fingers having found their way into John's hair, holding tight. "Just like that? You're not going to run away again, are you?"
"It would be dishonest." John shifted, easing the pressure on his growing erection. "And I don't think I could handle any more heart-to-hearts. Radek yelled at me for breaking you."
"Good man." Rodney sounded smug and John had to act. Standing up, he pulled Rodney forward, smashing their mouths together again and maneuvering them toward the bed.
"Why haven't we been doing this since day one?" John asked, tugging at the zipper of Rodney's shirt and kissing each centimeter of newly exposed skin.
"Because you're an idiot and I've been told I can be a bit, thick." The last word stuttered from Rodney's lips as John's hand moved to the front of his pants and squeezed.
"No arguments there." Rodney rolled his eyes and John licked a stripe up the muscle of his neck. "So here's where I say I'm sorry for being an ass.
Rodney's hands cupped the body part in question, and ground their hips together.
"And ask how I can make it up to you."
"Oh. Oh. Yes, I was in quite a st-state of severe emotional distress." John's hand stopped just over Rodney's navel, his thumb brushing lightly over the patch of skin just under the top button of Rodney's BDUs. "Hello, why are we stopping?"
"Last Tango in Paris?" John whispered, running his tongue around the curve of Rodney's ear. His next words were exhaled onto the cooling skin. "Got a kinky streak there, McKay?"
"Shut up."
And John did.
He had better things to focus on, anyway.
***
Deleted scene: Overheard in the mess hall.
"Oh come on, can't a guy have a nice quiet meal with no one bothering him?" Rodney asked as first the tray full of food and then the gun, leather duster and dreads came into view.
"Can't a guy sit with a member of his team?" Ronon retorted, twisting off a drumstick from the four-legged Cornish hen-like fowl that was on the menu for the day.
"Yes," Rodney said slowly. "I would be far less suspicious, though, if this was a standard practice for you."
Ronon shrugged and began to devour his meal. "So, Goren'da."
"I knew it. I knew there was some ulterior motive." Rodney nearly flung half of his salad off of his fork as he gestured. "It was a bizarre demand, but, really, would you have preferred they use us for target practice with their slingshots? Those weren't pebbles they were shooting, they looked like horse chestnuts. And you were the one who suggested the place. Didn't you know..."
"Easy, McKay." Ronon deposited one thoroughly cleaned bone onto his plate. Tearing off another drumstick, he pointed it at Rodney. "I wasn't a part of the trading expeditions there. The whole Ren ceremony never came up in conversation, and believe me, I would've mentioned it if it had."
"Don't tell me you're going to have some bout of heterosexual panic as well. Could you please at least wait until I'm done eating? I would prefer not to have teeth mixed in with my meal."
"I'm not going to hit you." Ronon's grin was amused, bordering on feral. "It wasn't *that* good of a kiss. I've had enemies kiss me with more interest."
"Are you saying it was a bad kiss?" Rodney let the fork fall from his hand. "I've never had anyone--"
He stopped when he realized Ronon was laughing, and not just laughing, *giggling*.
"You're an okay guy, McKay." Ronon pushed his bowl of Jell-O towards Rodney.
"Oh no, you're not... you're not making a pass at me, are you? Flirting. Trying to butter me up." Rodney added when Ronon's brow creased.
"It's a peace offering. Not an offer to be my mate." Ronon snorted, regarding Rodney with hunter's eyes. "No offense, but...no."
Rodney poked at the Jell-O with his spoon, finally deciding to accept the offer. And he did like the blue flavor.
"Besides, I don't think Sheppard would appreciate if I did that."
Fond as he may be about blue Jell-O - aspirating it through the nasal cavity was *not* the way Rodney wanted to enjoy it.
"Excuse me?"
Ronon leaned back and cocked his head to the side before answering. "After Goren'da? It's pretty obvious. You two."
"I have no idea what you're talking about." It's a weak argument and Ronon knows damn well Rodney's lying.
"Whatever. It's cool, you know. It explains a lot." Picking up a handful of almost-lettuce, Ronon waggles an eyebrow. "So when did you two--"
"Enjoy your meal and your wild speculation. Good bye." The last Rodney yelled over his shoulder, near-running to get away from Ronon and his questions.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2005-12-23 08:06 pm (UTC)I loved the line about the tofu tasting the same on every planet, because I can imagine that being so, so true. And the deleted scene with Rodney and Ronon made me very happy. (Team! With Ronon giving Rodney his jello!)
Thank you very much! This was very fun! And it's for me!
no subject
Date: 2005-12-23 08:28 pm (UTC)Your Ronon: so cute.
Dammit. Now I need a Ronon icon.
no subject
Date: 2005-12-25 06:18 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-12-25 12:57 pm (UTC)... and Last Tango in Paris references from Rodney.
Oh, yeah. Thanks for that.
no subject
Date: 2005-12-26 12:42 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-12-26 03:16 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-12-26 03:20 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-12-26 06:08 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-12-27 10:35 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-12-29 10:41 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-01-02 11:41 pm (UTC)