Fic: Nothing of Anything (McKay/Sheppard, R)

[sgasesa-admin.livejournal.com]

Title: Nothing of Anything
Author: snowglow1275
Recipient:girlgonemadd
Pairing:McShep
Rating:R
Disclaimer: Not mine.
Author's Notes: The request was for 'Rodney/John with lots of angst/humor/silliness/etc and well rounded appearances by all the cast.' I went with angst. Be prepared for a lot of it. The title comes from a quote by Samuel Johnson, "A man may be so much of everything, that he is nothing of anything." A huge thanks to my betas. michelel72, without whom this fic would be incomprehensible, and momma_66, whose encouragement and cheerleading kept me going when all seemed lost. I can't thank you both enough.
Warnings: The request said no character death, and while I do not feel I truly crossed that line, I definitely more than toed it. I apologize to the recipient if I went too far. This story contains issues of identity and self-perception that I consider to border on brainwashing. One aspect of this is gender, but I would like to stress that this is in no way meant to represent a transgender experience. Also, this is a very grim take on a common trope that is usually written as crack. A willing suspension of disbelief is necessary, dear readers.
Summary:'He wasn't sure of his past anymore and everyone around him was the same as they had always been. It was getting so hard to see the dividing line between universes.'
Word Count 17,000

( Nothing of Anything )

Comments

[almostnever.livejournal.com]

I found this interesting, especially the notion that Rodney experienced the body's muscle memory in action, and that those ingrained gestures contributed to his confusion. It's sad to see his sense of self erode as he rationalizes his situation. I appreciate that you took it seriously and didn't go for a big sex scene between Rodney and AU-John. This was definitely angstful, but I liked the hopeful ending.

[korilian.livejournal.com]

Oh man, that wasn't an easy ending. Rodney in Mer might be able to get back, but he's going to have to face another tough sell. I'm also not sure he'll be able to really find his place again, since it's clear that whatever remains of Mer is having a big influence on him. And I don't really see a happy ending for Meredith and John either. Even if he fixes the device, her body is occupied and in another universe! Great fic.

[scififreak.livejournal.com]

Wow, great premise and characterization. I loved the differences between "our" universe and the other one because they made perfect sense. The ending killed me though! At most I can only see a very bittersweet ending. Even if Rodney finds Meredith's consciousness and gets it back to her body, *his* consciousness will have no where to go. I imagine he will cease to be. What a brave and terrifying thing for him to do, for someone else, because it's the right thing to do.

[girlgonemadd.livejournal.com]

Thanks for the Christmas present! That was very heavy on the angst and so very bittersweet. How will Rodney ever truly find his way home again? He won't ever fit in with either universe anymore and barring any cloning, has very limited options. And so sad for AU!John, how horrible to have to go through this all over again and realize he's probably lost his wife for good. Well written and I like that you didn't go fluffy on this piece. Well done!

[goddess47]

That was amazing....

Rodney's dilemma in being in the wrong place yet knowing so much comes through very clearly. And poor John -- the one that loses Rodney and the one that loses Mer....

Thank you for hope at the end... I want so much to believe in something resembling a happy ending.

[skinscript.livejournal.com]

Well, I'm pretty sure I know the author cause there's only one (to date) that catches me unaware like this.

This is a really good job, santa. I hope, after the reveal, that you're willing to write more and show us Rodney returning to his Atlantis.

I especially liked how the pronouns changed slowly as Rodney became more accustomed (resigned) to the idea of being Meredith. Subtle, and smart.

[(Anonymous)]

Lol. Are you going to make a guess? I'd really like to know who you think I am. *wink*

[skinscript.livejournal.com]

I was completely wrong! (Was thinking taste_is_sweet) - but I really loved what you did here and I hope you continue it!

[sexycazzy.livejournal.com]

Wow - a lot of good angst for everyone involved, and the ending - oh, it was just gosh...very emotional.

I really hope that Rodney is able to his universe and that he is able to get Mer back to her universe and to her John.

I hope that you might think of writing more in this universe...pretty please? -smile-

[nuetronorange.livejournal.com]

Wow, what a story, very absorbing, I loved it.

Will there be a second part? Maybe give both universes a happy ending?

Thanks.

[brasslizard.livejournal.com]

Gah! What an evil place to end; the hope of a happy ending is there but by no ways sure. (clearly, Rodney returns, gets the device fixed, clones himself a new body, swaps everything over, sends Mer back to John, and then lives happily ever after with his Sheppard *nod*)

This is definitely a very gripping story and very emotional. The characters are perfect which is impressive with everything that's going on. I wouldn't exactly call this a "fun" read but it was a very, very GOOD read. Thank you for sharing.