Fic: Scavenger Hunt

[sgasesa-admin.livejournal.com]

Title: Scavenger Hunt
Author: diluvian
Pairing: McKay/Sheppard pre-slash
Rating: Teen
Recipient: sageness, who wanted plot, and John-centered anything.
Spoilers: Through Aurora. Set before Lost Boys.
Summary: Looking for things, and finding things.

Scavenger Hunt

"So what you're telling me is that we've been sent on a quest."

"Yep."

"We're already on a quest! We've done practically nothing but quest since we got to this galaxy! First it was a ZPM, now it's Ford, today we're chasing after these people's Grail equivalent. If this were an RPG I'd be some invincible 60th level Magician by now."

"Rodney, the Encians have stuff we want. They want something we can... probably get. Ronon and Teyla didn't make the cut according to the Encian weird-o-meter; hence, you and I are on a quest." John smiled tightly. He wasn't thrilled about their circumstances either, and McKay's characteristically tactless reference to their missing teammate stung. Time to needle back. "Enjoy the scenery," he said, expansively waving the arm that wasn't cradling his P-90.

"Trees. Nothing but trees and who knows *what* other pollen-laden plants are spewing histamines at me this instant."

"Nothing's trying to eat us."

"Yet."

~*~*~*~*~

Maybe that whole tempting fate thing was something he should try to avoid. John had some time to reflect on the concept of malevolent karma and the exact definition of irony, what with being stuck in a tiny cave with a damn bulletproof dragon prowling hungrily outside.

At least it didn't breathe fire.

Yet.

And it didn't seem all that bright.

So far.

And Ronon and Teyla would track them, and get rid of the dragon somehow, and they'd all go find the Holy Hand Grenade or whatever it was, get the goods from the grateful villagers, and then go home.

Sooner or later.

Preferably sooner, considering the death glare Rodney was spearing at him from the crevice across the way.

~*~*~*~*~

The fact that Rodney practically salivated over the Encians' jewelry kind of tipped them off. The village elders, despite being quite elderly, weren't blind.

"I see your companion has some interest our gemstones," observed the youngest old lady. She gestured at Rodney, the movement sending sunlight rippling across the very sparkly bracelet she wore. Rodney tracked it like a hypnotized cobra.

John waved a hand in front of his face, breaking the trance. "McKay, what's the deal?"

Sputtering ensued. Eventually a word made it out intact: "Naquadah."

~*~*~*~*~

The elders were a little baffled that it wasn't the shiny green rocks that McKay was after, but rather the settings. They explained that none of their other trading partners had ever wanted any of the metal since it was hard to hammer, impossible to melt, and not very pretty.

They also made it very clear that, according to long-standing Encian tradition, bargaining was a female-only sport.

John decided to go with it. "Find out their history; we need to know if this is a touchy subject. I get the feeling there's more to it than fashion." Teyla had nodded and put on her best game face as she entered the cottage reserved for negotiations.

That was a while ago. Ronon was currently watching the perimeter and otherwise looking inscrutable, which meant he could be thinking about anything ranging from food, to weaponry, to the weather -- or maybe about how the weather would affect food and weaponry.

Rodney was talking John's ear off. Situation normal.

"I'm betting the Kryptonite or whatever they're calling it is a quartz, like naquadah ore -- maybe from the same mine, even. Doesn't explain how people with pre-industrial tech were able to refine the ore, but maybe they used to be better off and got quashed by the Wraith. I'm getting some energy readings off the crystals themselves, they're like some of the Ancient components we've salvaged, but not quite.

"In any case, silicates have lots of uses, and yeah, ooh pretty, whatever, and I'm sure our geologists will want to check them out, but if we can access the source of the naquadah we might be able to refine it to weapons-grade if there's enough raw material -- then we can do all sorts of things the ZPM isn't needed for. Plus the generators are portable and the ZPM is stuck in the city so that'd be handy if we need more power offworld..." Rodney trailed off as Teyla returned from conferring with the elder women.

Her expression was still carefully pleasant. "They say the metal fell from the sky many generations ago. Their legends claim that a sacred object was lost to them, a lantern of sorts, stolen by an evil spirit. The meteor was sent as a punishment, destroying that year's crops. They wear the jewelry as a reminder, the naquadah in combination with the gemstones that represent the artifact."

"A meteor?" The neurons sparking inside Rodney's head were virtually audible. "Still doesn't really account for why the naquadah is so pure... but there's no mine, right?"

"They glean fragments of metal from the ground near the crater, but the jewels are mined not far from here. However, the metal itself does not have intrinsic value past its ceremonial use and they would be happy to give it to us -- after their relic is returned."

"Did they happen to mention where this meteor fell?"

"They are withholding that information as part of their bargaining process." She hesitated, then forged on, "Also, there is a ritual to determine who is worthy of pursuing the Beacon of the Ancestors."

John could see where this was headed, and gave Teyla his own very best make-nice smile. "Okay, let's get this ritual over with and see if we qualify." Then he gave in to the inevitable. "See if we're worthy of bringin' home the Beacon."

Rodney groaned. "You just *had* to go there, didn't you?"

~*~*~*~*~

"Colonel, we could just go back to the puddlejumper, scan the area for a giant lump of naquadah, and not waste our time chasing after a knickknack. The last time we had to find a religious icon it didn't end well."

"All the more reason to make nice with the people here."

"The people who are holding half our team hostage because their oh-so-modern *dowsing rod* only liked the two of *us,* the people who are sending us after some radioactive crystalline avocado, which could be anywhere on or *off* the planet but they say we have to look for it on foot, starting here in the haunted woods. And, hello, woods with evil spirits? We don't have the greatest luck with that scenario either."

Up against the stock of the P-90, John's forearm itched just a little. "They're not holding hostages, and they never said haunted -- look, if we want the naquadah we have to get it through their Stargate and I'd rather not do it under fire even if it's just arrows and spears. Just scan the area again, okay?"

"Nothing of interest. Trees and trees, and, oh what a shock, trees. A bunch of caves up thataway."

A little more walking, a lot of running, and one non-fire-breathing undetectable-by-life-sign-scanner big-ass invulnerable lizard later, those caves were pretty interesting.

~*~*~*~*~

The dragon must have fired up a few more brain cells because it started digging at the cave opening. McKay had barely been able to squeak through it -- literally, and John was never going to stop giving him a hard time about making high-pitched noises when in mortal danger. And for losing his sidearm in the chase.

Once they got back to Atlantis.

It was irritating that he'd had to unhook and ditch his own P-90 to fit inside, but he rationalized that he was almost out of ammo -- which had no effect -- anyway. And they could come back for the guns later.

After they got away from the big, ugly lizard that was swiftly getting within chomping distance.

~*~*~*~*~

Bullets didn't hurt it. Knife didn't make a dent. Bopping on the nose made it momentarily cross-eyed but otherwise had no effect.

Good thing it didn't want to eat them after all.

Yet.

But being herded like a very small flock of sheep was kind of insulting.

If McKay made it to their mysterious destination without experiencing a massive coronary, John would call it a major miracle.

~*~*~*~*~

The cave they were being pushed into was a lot larger than the one they'd been hiding in. The dragon barely fit through the entrance, though, even with its apparently-vestigial wings neatly folded up tight against its back.

John considered them lucky that it merely blocked their attempts to get past it, rather than crushing them up against a wall. Out in the forest it was fast enough to keep them from getting away, so they didn't have a chance in hell inside the relatively cramped spaces of the cave.

McKay ducked under a broken stalactite. "See? It's taken us back to its lair. I told you we were doomed. We're going to be eaten, I don't care what those people said, they've sacrificed us to their dragon and thank god I'm not a virgin but that's not helping."

The phosphorescent light coming from farther down the cave wasn't very comforting. John drew his remaining weapons. "Rodney, get behind me."

"What, closer to the hellbeast?" Who kept nudging them forward with its big, blunt nose.

Forward, around the corner, into the chamber with the nest of a half-dozen little dragons, whose heads popped up with alarming speed and who seemed really, really happy to see Mom.

The green light behind them made them look really, really evil.

Then the merely-Rottweiler-sized babies all sniffed the air, and seemed really, really happy to see John and Rodney.

Crouching into a defensive posture, knife in one hand, sidearm in the other, John prepared to do his damnedest to protect his scientist. Rodney squeaked, and stepped behind him.

So when the parent gave Rodney the biggest nudge yet, he toppled into John and they both dominoed into the nest.

The baby dragons swarmed over them and --

Cuddled up.

They were making contented peeping sounds. And falling asleep.

Mama dragon crooned.

~*~*~*~*~

"Colonel?"

"Yes, Rodney?"

"We're teddy bears."

"I know."

~*~*~*~*~

Adult dragon snoring noises were a lot less cute than the babies' breathy purring. Kind of like a Harley.

Made it easy to tell when it was time to leave, though.

John was mid-wriggle and nearly upright when he spied the source of the creepy green light. "McKay!" he whispered, in between high-decibel rumbles.

"What?"

"I think we found the relic."

~*~*~*~*~

Rodney was still trying to scoot out of the puppy pile in slow motion and faced the wrong way to give an informed opinion, but John was pretty sure the nightlight thing was an Ancient device. It looked a lot like the personal shield Rodney had activated when he first got the gene.

And it looked an awful lot like a crystal avocado.

He scooped it off the ledge where it was smugly, greenly radiating. Nothing happened. *Off, off, off,* he thought at it, and it kindly flickered out.

"Sheppard!" hissed Rodney out of the complete and utter darkness.

"Yeah, hold on."

When he cracked the light stick he'd fished out of his vest it was almost the same color the widget had been. John hoped the dragons wouldn't mind too much when it gave out.

~*~*~*~*~

The sun had set while they were inside. After McKay's requisite speculation on the probability of acquiring broken ankles in the pitch black, and several yards back into the forest, John felt safe enough to use the flashlights. Immediately, McKay insisted on examining the artifact.

"It's a bad idea, Rodney."

"No it isn't! This could be something we can use."

"And I'm sure the Encians will be happy to let you look at it later."

"You have no reason to think that. With our luck they'll whip out surface-to-air missiles and bury it under some shrine."

Then Rodney tried, with all of the subtlety of a drunken walrus, to take it by force. It was like a game of keepaway, with bonus groping thrown in.

John was on the verge of stuffing it down his pants, but reconsidered. Right now was not the best time to find out if Rodney was interested in getting into them. Plus, John hoped there would be a very different incentive should that occasion arise. "If you don't stop we won't make it to the village. That dragon is going to wake up, drag us back, and we'll spend the rest of our lives snuggling baby lizards. You'll never, ever, eat french fries again."

McKay's next strategy was pseudo-logic. "If you turn it back on, we'd be able to see better."

"We're doing fine, McKay."

"C'mon, you're really going to waste this opportunity for bad Green Lantern jokes?"

Sneaking past Mama Bear was downright easy compared to keeping the gizmo out of Rodney's hands. But a lot less fun.

"Is it heavy? I'll carry it, if you want a break."

~*~*~*~*~

On the outskirts of the village, Ronon melted out of the shadows and intercepted them. "That was fast. Did you get it?"

"Yep. Anything going on?"

"Dinner was good. Teyla's back with the elder women, talking about trade."

Rodney discarded his sulk. "Dinner?"

~*~*~*~*~

John triumphantly lifted the... thingy above his head. To an audience who went from happily jostling each other to standing in stricken stillness.

"The Beacon of the Ancestors is broken!" wailed someone in the back of the crowd.

"You'd think we shot their dog," said Rodney out of the side of his mouth.

"And they're about to break out the torches and pitchforks," John murmured back. Raising his voice he shouted, "Okay, hold on." He concentrated, thought, *On, on, on,* and went back to performing his impression of the Statue of Liberty.

Yelling, shouting, cheering.

"That's more like it."

~*~*~*~*~

There was a homecoming ceremony -- of course -- followed by citrus-free feasting. John let Rodney tell everyone about their *very* dangerous and *exceedingly* harrowing afternoon.

The hilarity that the word 'dragon' caused was confusing.

Wiping tears from his eyes, one of the elders explained, "The grofnars? They're big but they're harmless. Practically scared of their own shadows, and they breed infrequently. They don't even eat our crops, just the shrubbery in the forest. Keeps wildfires from spreading too fast so we leave them alone."

Frowning, Rodney asked, "So, no mysterious disappearances? No stories of people being abducted by these things?"

The Encians all shook their heads.

John could feel the pieces click into place. "The Ancients," he said, meeting McKay's eyes.

"Yeah," breathed Rodney. Then he turned back to the Encian council. "I have a theory that they're attracted to your Beacon because it's from your --" Rodney waved his hands in a vague inclusive stir, "--*our* ancestors. I'm almost certain the... grofnars will come after it again, and I don't think anywhere in this village is safe. No offense, but if those things can dig us out of a cave they can knock down one of your houses."

Surprisingly, there was a lot of nodding. "We have always been merely stewards of the Beacon, waiting for the day when one who could control it would take custody. Will you accept, Colonel Sheppard?"

"Sure."

Rodney beamed. "Yes, yes, of course. I can make it work, too, you know."

Then there was another ceremony.

~*~*~*~*~

Morning. Puddlejumper. Mild hangover from too many ceremonies. John cracked open another bottle of water as Rodney scanned the impact site.

"Most of Earth's naquadah comes from the Unas, and Dr. Jackson said something about promising to fight the Goa'uld with it, so maybe we should keep what we find here because we're only up against the Wraith -- although--," snort, "--*only*-- if you ask me the Wraith are way scarier..." McKay stopped short. "Oh my god."

John squinted out the window, then arched an inquisitive eyebrow scientistward, but Rodney was busy coaxing the jumper into popping more readouts onto the screen.

"It's a Stargate."

~*~*~*~*~

"Judging by the damage, it must have gotten knocked out of orbit by a sizeable meteor that ricocheted and fell elsewhere on the planet, or, hmm, maybe a comet that burned up on entry. We're just lucky that the Encians' primary gate was planetside, or we'd never have found the device."

Elizabeth squinted at the deactivated Beacon, which sat on the table. "So what is it, anyway?"

"I have no idea." John smirked, and Rodney scowled at him. "*Yet.* But I speculate that it's got something to do with the crystals the Encians are currently trading as gemstones. Or possibly even the dragons. Maybe both."

"And these dragons--" Elizabeth started to enquire.

"Grofnars," interrupted Ronon.

Darting a glare, Rodney jumped back in, "The big *lizard* things have some sort of affinity to Ancients -- Ancient tech, ATA genes. What's really weird is that they have some kind of shielding effect. They don't show up on the scanners, and I think their presence muffled any readings I should have gotten from the Beacon when it was in their cave."

Tap, tap tap on the flatscreen display. "This topography map I compiled from the puddlejumper readings shows that the nest Colonel Sheppard and I -- visited -- is almost equidistant from the functioning gate and the crash site. The Encians are lucky the... grofnars aren't more attracted to the DHD, or their gate would be hip-deep in huge cuddly," flapping gesture, "winged dinosaurs."

Visibly stifling a smile, Elizabeth asked, "Preliminary plan?"

"I'll sic one of the biologists on *why* the dragons like Ancient stuff and what makes them invisible to the scanners. Meanwhile, there are a bunch of geologists raring to go spelunk with the Encians."

"Make sure to include some women, in case trade becomes an issue," Teyla reminded them.

Elizabeth nodded. "What about the crashed gate?"

Rodney poked the display again to zero in on the crater. "What's left of the gate is represented in blue." Two partial arcs lay buried under several meters of rock, with a wide-cast splatter of smaller lumps peppering the surrounding landscape.

He said, "I've calculated that the gate -- which clearly wasn't active at the time of the impact or it wouldn't have fractured like this -- can provide us with approximately three cubic *meters* of naquadah altogether. I'm sending samples back to Earth on the next Daedalus run. They might be able to refine it to weapons-grade, send it back, and then we'd be set for non-ZPM power for the foreseeable future without having to rely on Earth's reserves. If it's too decayed to bother refining it, they can use it for armor-plating their next spaceship.

"I'll set up an engineer with the geologists and make them come up with a recovery plan for the naquadah. Then we can turn the rock hounds loose on the Encian quartz mines. The dowsing rod the Encians used to choose me and Colonel Sheppard for their search had a gemstone at the end. At the time I thought it was purely hocus-pocus but knowing what we do now -- the Beacon, two Stargates -- there's something special about this planet and the Ancients didn't want to lose access. I'm betting the crystals have some useful application we don't know about, yet."

Nodding again, Elizabeth asked, "Major Sheppard, anything to add?"

"Just don't send anyone with the ATA gene unless they're willing to become a permanent part of the grofnar family."

"Rodney, have a proposal ready next week and we'll talk about assembling a team," she concluded.

As everyone else filed out, John snagged the Beacon from the table and turned it on, just in time for Rodney to snatch it out of his hands and turn it back off.

"Hey!"

"Oh, please. You can't live without your new toy for five minutes? Come down to the lab this afternoon and you can play with it then. I have to do some research first, make sure you don't accidentally make it blow up."

John slung an arm over the back of his chair, sprawling out, and produced Puppy Dog Pout #37. "You're no fun anymore."

Outraged hurt written wide, McKay protested, "I am so! I'm *all kinds* of fun!"

Feeling his grin slide right over into leer territory didn't put a damper on the glee John felt. McKay would regret that comment for *weeks.*

And Rodney, Dr. Oblivious, blushed.

Wow.

McKay huffed and stalked off, showing no further indication of wanting to get into John's pants.

Yet.

The End.

Comments

[kitkat3979.livejournal.com]

Yay!dragons!

I just love the idea of the mummy Grofnar bring home SGA boys for the kids to cuddle. Now I've just got to find myself a mummy Grofnar!

Very cute, and the last 2 sentences were perfect.

[diluvian.livejournal.com]

Yay! Thank you!