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sga_santaTitle: Love is the ultimate sacrifice
Author![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
shepsangel
Pairing McShep
Rating PG-13
Recipient eviljr
Spoilers Millers Crossing
Summary Tag/Alternate ending to Millers Crossing. Things don’t quite work out as planned.
He’d thought that it was stupid, when people claimed to be able to pinpoint the exact second that their hearts broke, until it happened to him.
----
He knew exactly what he had to do, there really wasn’t a choice to be made, he was a big brother after all, and what was the role of a big brother if not to protect his little sister. Of course he bitched and moaned, and sure there were times when he just wanted to hate her, but for all his effort he found it impossible. And of course there was no getting around the fact that it was his fault that Jeannie was in this mess in the first place. If only he’d been smarter, if only he’d never sent that stupid email, none of this would have happened.
But he wasn’t, and it was. He’d made up his mind, there was no going back now. A few seconds and all of this would be over, for him at least. Jeannie could go back to her life, the others, well they had Radek, they’d cope without him. His mind, as always settled on John, what would John think of him now, all the times that he’d made fun of him, all of them, about being the weakest member of the team, and of course they were right. If only he’d been able to tell John just what he thought about him, about all the times that he’d lain awake at night, wishing that he could say those three simple words. I love you
As he made his way around the corner, rehearsing in his head what he was going to say to the guard, he couldn’t help but wonder what the rest of the team would say if they were here right now, would they even try and stop him. He shook that thought from his mind, now he was just feeling sorry for himself. Of course he knew what they would say, what they would do. They’d say the same thing John had when he’d told him what he wanted to do.
“I want him to feed on me.”
“You want to what?”
“I can’t lose my sister John. How am I going to explain that to her husband, to her kid.”
“That Wraith’ll kill you.”
“It’s my choice to make.”
“No, it’s not.”
“This was not an easy decision to make.”
“I can’t.”
“Please.”
“I’m sorry.”
Of course John had thought that was the end of the matter, that Rodney would just follow orders. But he couldn’t, not this time, this was his sisters life that was on the line.
Rodney was aware of the SGC guard paying him way too much attention as he swiped the security pass in the lock. Damn, why wasn’t it working. He tried again, and again, each time getting the same annoying beeping from the lock as it remained in place. From the corner of his eye he could see the guard approaching, as he frantically tried the lock once more. If the door didn’t open, then he’d have to lie to the guard, and anyone who knew him at all would know that he was the worst liar in the world.
“May I see that card Sir?”
“No, you may not.” Damn it Rodney, you’re a genius and that’s the best you can come up with.
“Sir, the card please.”
“I’m Dr. Rodney McKay, this is my lab, would you open the door please?”
“Not without a card sir.”
“This is a matter of life or death. Open the door!”
Before he could finish the sentence the door slid open, and what he saw beyond it made his blood run cold.
“John?!”
He’d barely registered the scene before John was falling, crashing to the ground, the Wraith standing over him, triumphant, regenerated.
“Rodney?” The words were weak, scarily so.
He didn’t want to do this, couldn’t do this, the person lying on the ground wasn’t John anymore, not the John he knew, and loved. The once strong muscular frame now all but gone leaving nothing but skin and bone within the overly large clothes.; the deep brown unruly hair, once the focus of so many jokes between them was now bleached white, all traces of the personality it once embodied now gone. The worst part was the eyes, hazel/green, window to the soul, full of life, passion; now grey, lifeless.
He couldn’t do this, but then he didn’t have a choice.
“Yeah, I’m here John.” He knelt beside his friend, soul mate, gently lifting the frail body into his arms.
“Maddie needs her uncle, Jeannie needs her brother, Atlantis needs it’s genius. Nobody needs me Rodney.”
“John, I…”
“Don’t Rodney, please don’t, okay. Just, take care of her for me.”
John’s eyes slid closed, as peaceful as simply going to sleep, before taking one final breath.
“I need you John, I need you.”
----
Rodney woke with a start, to find himself in his own bed on Atlantis. He breathed a sigh of relief. It was just a nightmare, another stupid nightmare, he wasn’t sure how much more he could take, how many more times he could watch John die.
As Rodney reached across to feel the warmth of the body beside him, the few blissful seconds upon waking, when everything was fine were shattered. Reality came crashing down in waves, and he actually felt like he might be crushed under the weight of it, as memories came flooding back. Memories of the day his nightmare became a reality. John really was gone, the stupid, stubborn bastard had gone and gotten himself killed, for him. He’d left him, alone.
As he lay awake in the dark he heard a muffled snoring coming from the other side of the bad. Turning the light on he was surprised to see Ronon asleep in the chair. He wondered how long he’d been there, watching him sleep., but in the end it didn’t matter. Even without John, he would never be truly alone.
Author
shepsangelPairing McShep
Rating PG-13
Recipient eviljr
Spoilers Millers Crossing
Summary Tag/Alternate ending to Millers Crossing. Things don’t quite work out as planned.
He’d thought that it was stupid, when people claimed to be able to pinpoint the exact second that their hearts broke, until it happened to him.
----
He knew exactly what he had to do, there really wasn’t a choice to be made, he was a big brother after all, and what was the role of a big brother if not to protect his little sister. Of course he bitched and moaned, and sure there were times when he just wanted to hate her, but for all his effort he found it impossible. And of course there was no getting around the fact that it was his fault that Jeannie was in this mess in the first place. If only he’d been smarter, if only he’d never sent that stupid email, none of this would have happened.
But he wasn’t, and it was. He’d made up his mind, there was no going back now. A few seconds and all of this would be over, for him at least. Jeannie could go back to her life, the others, well they had Radek, they’d cope without him. His mind, as always settled on John, what would John think of him now, all the times that he’d made fun of him, all of them, about being the weakest member of the team, and of course they were right. If only he’d been able to tell John just what he thought about him, about all the times that he’d lain awake at night, wishing that he could say those three simple words. I love you
As he made his way around the corner, rehearsing in his head what he was going to say to the guard, he couldn’t help but wonder what the rest of the team would say if they were here right now, would they even try and stop him. He shook that thought from his mind, now he was just feeling sorry for himself. Of course he knew what they would say, what they would do. They’d say the same thing John had when he’d told him what he wanted to do.
“I want him to feed on me.”
“You want to what?”
“I can’t lose my sister John. How am I going to explain that to her husband, to her kid.”
“That Wraith’ll kill you.”
“It’s my choice to make.”
“No, it’s not.”
“This was not an easy decision to make.”
“I can’t.”
“Please.”
“I’m sorry.”
Of course John had thought that was the end of the matter, that Rodney would just follow orders. But he couldn’t, not this time, this was his sisters life that was on the line.
Rodney was aware of the SGC guard paying him way too much attention as he swiped the security pass in the lock. Damn, why wasn’t it working. He tried again, and again, each time getting the same annoying beeping from the lock as it remained in place. From the corner of his eye he could see the guard approaching, as he frantically tried the lock once more. If the door didn’t open, then he’d have to lie to the guard, and anyone who knew him at all would know that he was the worst liar in the world.
“May I see that card Sir?”
“No, you may not.” Damn it Rodney, you’re a genius and that’s the best you can come up with.
“Sir, the card please.”
“I’m Dr. Rodney McKay, this is my lab, would you open the door please?”
“Not without a card sir.”
“This is a matter of life or death. Open the door!”
Before he could finish the sentence the door slid open, and what he saw beyond it made his blood run cold.
“John?!”
He’d barely registered the scene before John was falling, crashing to the ground, the Wraith standing over him, triumphant, regenerated.
“Rodney?” The words were weak, scarily so.
He didn’t want to do this, couldn’t do this, the person lying on the ground wasn’t John anymore, not the John he knew, and loved. The once strong muscular frame now all but gone leaving nothing but skin and bone within the overly large clothes.; the deep brown unruly hair, once the focus of so many jokes between them was now bleached white, all traces of the personality it once embodied now gone. The worst part was the eyes, hazel/green, window to the soul, full of life, passion; now grey, lifeless.
He couldn’t do this, but then he didn’t have a choice.
“Yeah, I’m here John.” He knelt beside his friend, soul mate, gently lifting the frail body into his arms.
“Maddie needs her uncle, Jeannie needs her brother, Atlantis needs it’s genius. Nobody needs me Rodney.”
“John, I…”
“Don’t Rodney, please don’t, okay. Just, take care of her for me.”
John’s eyes slid closed, as peaceful as simply going to sleep, before taking one final breath.
“I need you John, I need you.”
----
Rodney woke with a start, to find himself in his own bed on Atlantis. He breathed a sigh of relief. It was just a nightmare, another stupid nightmare, he wasn’t sure how much more he could take, how many more times he could watch John die.
As Rodney reached across to feel the warmth of the body beside him, the few blissful seconds upon waking, when everything was fine were shattered. Reality came crashing down in waves, and he actually felt like he might be crushed under the weight of it, as memories came flooding back. Memories of the day his nightmare became a reality. John really was gone, the stupid, stubborn bastard had gone and gotten himself killed, for him. He’d left him, alone.
As he lay awake in the dark he heard a muffled snoring coming from the other side of the bad. Turning the light on he was surprised to see Ronon asleep in the chair. He wondered how long he’d been there, watching him sleep., but in the end it didn’t matter. Even without John, he would never be truly alone.
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