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sga_santaTitle: Making Sense
Author:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
the_cephalopod
Recipient: Forbmouse. I hope you enjoy the story & have a wonderful holiday!
Pairings: Primarily McKay/Sheppard, with a very small amount of background Ronon/Keller.
Rating: R
Disclaimer: I do not own anything related to SGA.
Author's Notes: Thank you to my fantastic beta, who went above and beyond at the last minute, and toalyse and moonlettuce for running this wonderful exchange.
Summary: Rodney is confused, John is upset and Ronon and Teyla, as usual, have all the answers.
Making Sense
Rodney frowned down at his pad in consternation, wishing it was possible to simply glare the results into submission. Unfortunately, they seemed to be entirely unaware of his ire and continued to show that the program was uncompilable. Shaking his head, he dropped the pad down onto his desk in frustration. A quick glance round the lab showed that it was completely deserted - a sure sign that he'd been working for far too long. Thinking back, he could vaguely recall Radek asking him if he was coming to dinner, but he'd been in the middle of re-writing a particularly stubborn algorithm at the time and had merely waved Radek away with his attention still firmly fixed on his work. The slightly queasy feeling in his stomach indicated that perhaps he should have taken Radek up on his offer after all - the pile of discarded powerbar wrappers beside his coffee mug evidence to the fact that he'd not had any proper food all day.
Deciding that he'd had more than enough of work, Rodney shut down his laptop and, in a fit of depression, consigned his pad to the bottom drawer of his desk - the one he kept exclusively for his copies of the moronic dictates from the SGC and the direst of Kavanaugh's lab reports. He could only hope that after a meal and a night's sleep, he'd have some inspiration and finally be able to make some headway.
He and a small team had been working on the project non-stop for the past few days - trying to find a way to repair a piece of Ancient technology that SGA-1 had uncovered in the ruins of what once must have been a research base. The Ancient database on Atlantis had proven to be entirely useless in providing any clue as to what the base's purpose had been and their only hint from the site itself was this one small device, which was also stubbornly declining to give up its secrets.
They'd come across planet almost by accident - Teyla picking up the address from a throwaway remark she had overheard during one of her trading missions with SGA-12. It had taken some doing, but Rodney had finally convinced Woolsey that it was a lead worth following. With all the recent turmoil of Wraith hybrids, the seemingly miraculous but ultimately disastrous return of dead friends, and the effects of brain-rotting parasites, Rodney had figured that he and the rest of SGA-1 deserved a low-profile mission. Besides which, he was keen to ensure he was still in command of his mental faculties and was still smarting somewhat from Ronon's snide comments about his 'little gadgets'. The discovery and repair of some spectacularly useful Ancient device was definitely in order.
The mission itself had certainly been low-profile; the planet obviously having been either abandoned or culled to extinction long ago and the research base itself had been razed to little more than a few charred ruins. As they'd picked through the rubble searching for anything that might be of use, Rodney had felt a shiver of unease run down his spine: one day soon, this could far too easily be all that remained of Atlantis. As he'd turned his head towards his team-mates, he'd met John's gaze and found it startlingly open for once. In John's eyes, Rodney could clearly see his own fears reflected and knew that he wasn't the only one who'd been shaken by the events of the past year. From the loss of Elizabeth to their last minute triumph over the Replicators and from the reappearance of Michael and his army of clones to the interactions they'd had with the ghosts of their friends, recent events had shaken them all.
Rodney had never been good at dealing with his emotions, preferring instead to bury himself in his work and let his fear, anger and frustration escape that way. His short-temper and his impatience with his colleagues and, more often than anyone ever realised, with himself, were the only way he knew to rid himself of the excess energy such emotions generated. Coming face to face with such devastation in what was supposed to have been a 'light' mission only served to increase the maelstrom of worry and stress which had already been building steadily inside him. As he'd looked into John's eyes, the moment had stretched and a connection had formed between them. Rodney knew that John was, in his own way, was no better than he at coping, but somehow John always seemed to be capable of stoically continuing on as normal, with his perpetual swagger and smirk firmly in place as he acted as if none of what had happened had affected him in the slightest. Of course, Rodney knew differently. After almost five years of friendship, he knew John - understood how he thought and how he acted - and looking into his eyes as they both stood amongst the tangible proof of the fallibility of a civilisation far more advanced than their own, he'd simply known that John was reaching the end of his tether.
It didn't make any sense, but for one dizzying moment Rodney had felt compelled to go up to John and comfort him. The impulse had been shocking, both in its strength and in its novelty. Since when did John want comfort from anyone? And since when was Rodney the one who wanted to provide it? They quite simply weren't that kind of friends. Sure, they might share the odd shoulder bump from time to time, but that really was the limit of their physical interaction. Beers on the pier, questionable sci-fi movies, video games and the odd car race down on the lower levels were usually the extent of their personal sharing. But still, something in the openness of John's expression had called to Rodney and he'd found himself taking several stumbling steps towards John before he'd even realised that he'd moved.
Looking back on it now, Rodney was still at a loss to explain what had come over him. He knew that he was feeling particularly raw and vulnerable at the moment, but that still didn't explain that near-catastrophic lapse in judgement. Of course, in the end, nothing had come of it. Even as Rodney had approached John, knowing for sure that his intentions were clearly visible on his face but seemingly helpless to stop himself from acting upon them, John's shutters had snapped firmly closed. By the time Rodney had reached his side, an expression of benign indifference had replaced that of his honest emotions and Rodney had only been able to stand there whilst John had asked him whether they were done with the place or whether he wanted to sift through more rubbish. Still somewhat confused by his bizarre impulse, Rodney had asked for a little more time and his subsequent search had led to the collection of what was probably the only intact piece of equipment still remaining.
Rodney turned in his chair and glared at the device in question, sitting so innocently on one of the lab's testing tables. It had been badly burned by whatever weapon had destroyed the facility and a team of engineers, headed up by Radek, had been working on disassembling and repairing it. For his own part, Rodney's team had been working on the patchy bits of code they'd managed to pull from the device's computer core - portioning out segments to the other scientists involved and keeping the mainframe structure to work on himself. Not that any of them had actually made any kind of progress whatsoever.
Rodney shook himself and rose to his feet, determined to waste no more time on the device. It was late and he was tired and hungry. As he made his way out of the lab and towards the transporter, he hoped that there was something edible still available in the commissary.
~*~
As it turned out, he needn't have worried. The commissary was surprisingly busy for so late an hour, with a noisy crowd of marines clustered around one of the large tables in the centre of the room. It wasn't until Rodney spotted John and Ronon over at the far end that he remembered that while he had been busy with his scientists, John had been equally so with his soldiers. When Woolsey had arrived on Atlantis to relieve Sam Carter, he'd brought with him a new contingent of marines, whose training was now John's responsibility. When Rodney had first caught a glimpse of these newest recruits - all set to go on their first off-world training mission under Lorne's command - he had been staggered at how young and innocent they all looked. He'd then had had to boggle at himself for the thought. After all, who'd have thought the day would come when Rodney McKay felt more confidence in his own ability of carrying out a physically challenging and dangerous off-world mission than a bunch of marines? Looking back at just how much he'd changed since he first stepped out of the stargate and into Pegasus, Rodney realised that he owed a large part of the person he was now to the Atlantis expedition and to the friendships with which it had gifted him.
The sight of John and Ronon sitting together gave Rodney a moment's pause, much like the one he'd experienced on the planet a few days ago, as he took in their expressions. Ronon looked a little tired, but it was John's appearance that really rattled Rodney. It had been a hard few months for all of them, but Rodney couldn't help but think that John looked completely wrecked. Rodney knew that, on the surface at any rate, John looked much the same as ever, but he was now starting to realise that he could see beyond John's facade. The fine lines around John's eyes and the slumped set of his shoulder were sure signs of his exhaustion and, judging from the remains of his dinner, he was also eating far too little for Rodney's peace of mind.
As he stood at the doorway to the commissary, Rodney found that he was still at a loss to know quite what to make of his insights, or the desire they prompted within him to help John somehow. Despite their obvious differences, John and Rodney were close friends. Not that John would ever say anything to that effect, of course, but from pretty much the first week of their stay on Atlantis, when they had bonded over a shared love of experimenting with cool Ancient tech, a friendship had been formed that the years had only strengthened.
It had taken its fair share knocks, of course, and there were times when Rodney knew that the more arrogant and self-centred side of his personality grated on John's far more selfless and easy-going one. And vice-versa. Nevertheless, their friendship had survived, despite each doing things that infuriated the other - suicide runs and decimated solar systems being but two examples. In fact, thinking back to that past year, Rodney had to admit that they'd actually grown even closer as Rodney had been shown, time and time again, the strength of John's regard. Not being someone used to having friends, let alone a best friend, it had surprised Rodney just how far John was prepared to go to keep him safe. After the death of Wallace at the hands of the Wraith to whom Rodney had decided to sacrifice himself to ensure Jeanie's survival, he could no longer have any doubt.
But none of that truly explained these new revelations or their accompanying emotions. Even when he'd been under the effects of the parasite which had robbed him of his mental faculties, he'd still instinctively known that John was someone who would keep him safe, someone who would always come for him. On one level, he didn't question this instinct - it was correct, after all - but, on another, it did raise some interesting questions... Ones he hadn't wanted to face at the time, but ones that continued to linger even through his subsequent dinner date with Jennifer.
And the thought of Jennifer raised yet another reason why he found himself somewhat hesitant at approaching his team-mates. If his odd feelings for John weren't enough, he'd also had to deal with the realisation that he might actually stand a chance with Jennifer. Not that this was an unwelcome realisation, far from it. Jennifer was beautiful, sweet and intelligent - everything Rodney had ever wanted in a partner. Yet the situation, and his feelings about it, had proven to be far more complex than he'd anticipated when Jennifer had first asked him to accompany her for a drink all those months ago.
Not that the drink hadn't been pleasant enough, but it hadn't led anywhere. Before he'd known it, Rodney had become caught up in mess that was Michael and the shocking reappearance of Carson, albeit only in clone form. Even when life had quietened down again, Rodney had still found himself somewhat reluctant to try to pick things up with Jennifer. For one thing, his previous relationship with Katie Brown had made him cautious. He had fallen into that relationship with far too little forethought, more enamoured with the idea of being wanted by someone than by Katie herself. He could still recall vividly the looked of shocked disbelief which had graced John's face when he'd shown him the engagement ring he'd intended for Katie. It had troubled him at the time and he'd found himself watching her more closely, noting not only her reactions but also his own. The fact that he'd come so close to actually proposing to someone who clearly didn't even have the first idea of who he really was had led to his determination not to pursue anything with Jennifer which may be equally based on false assumptions.
The fact that Jennifer had seen him at his best and at his worst and still seemed to be fond of him gave him some hope. And when it seemed like Ronon was simply going to swoop in and take her from right under his nose, Rodney found himself angrily indignant. Just because she was a beautiful woman, it didn't mean that she would automatically fall for the clichéd muscle-bound hero, did it? While he didn't want to get into a fight with Ronon over her, Rodney was damned if he was just going to give in. So, where did all that leave him? It seemed he had a close friendship that seemed to be growing even closer, a potential romantic liaison with a beautiful woman about whom he was strangely ambivalent until challenged, and an odd sort of rivalry with someone on whose bad side he definitely didn't want to find himself.
His rumbling stomach interrupted his musing and, telling himself that his introspection was becoming ridiculous, Rodney forced himself to catch John's eye. Something inside him eased when he saw John's grin and beckoning wave. Finding himself grinning back in automatic response, Rodney nodded and then quickly headed over in the direction of the food to collect his dinner. With his stomach rumbling, he helped himself to a large plateful of casserole and fried potatoes and a couple of pudding cups. He then carefully picked his way through the melee to John and Ronon's table.
"Hey, Rodney," John greeted him with a lazy grin, pushing out the chair at his side so Rodney could sit down. "Second dinner or you just in here late?"
"Second dinner, I wish," Rodney groused as he loaded his fork and took a big bite. He couldn't help letting out a little sigh of pleasure as the rich taste of the casserole exploded in his mouth. "I'll have you know that this is the first time I've made it out of my lab today."
"You've got good timing, McKay," Ronon said, his eyes focussed a little too closely on Rodney's meal for Rodney's liking. "The dacarin's good."
"Hmm," Rodney hummed around his second mouthful of what he figured must be dacarin casserole, one hand curling protectively around his plate as he chewed. "Very good," he agreed after he'd swallowed, relieved that Ronon's interaction with him seemed to be no different from normal.
"So, have you guys have been making some progress with that gizmo?" John asked as Rodney continued to make inroads into his meal.
"Not as such," Rodney replied, pausing in his eating long enough to grimace as he was forced to admit to their decided lack of progress. "The device has sustained considerable damage - Zelenka's team hasn't been able to get it operational and we're still struggling with its basic coding structure."
"Well, you've got two more days before SGA-1's back on the mission board," John said.
"Can't come soon enough," Ronon rumbled.
"You said it," John replied with a heartfelt sigh.
"The new recruits giving you trouble?" Rodney asked, his eyes darting back and forth between his team-mates and wondering whether the stress of the training could really be the sole source of the weariness that was etched into John's features.
John reached up to rub at the back of his neck, rolling his right shoulder and eliciting a crack that made Rodney's own ache in sympathy. "No more so than normal," he admitted, casting Rodney a half-grin. "I'm just looking forward to getting out there again myself."
"And the recruits are as unskilled as a litter of new-born timara."
John laughed. "There is that, but, hey, we're getting there with them."
"Slowly," Ronon snorted. "But we'll get there in the end," he added with an evil grin.
John laughed even more at that and Rodney found himself feeling a little sorry on behalf of the marines for whatever the two of them had planned for tomorrow's training mission.
"And on that happy note," John said, rising to his feet. "I need to catch up with Lorne. See you guys later." And, with a nod to Ronon and a brief pat to Rodney's shoulder, he crossed the room to speak to his second in command.
Rodney watched John go with his brow furrowed - was John limping slightly or was it just his usual slouching swagger? Shaking his head, he turned his attention back to his dinner, startled for a moment to find that Ronon was eyeing him curiously.
"What?" he asked as he crunched down on a fried potato.
Ronon tilted his head to the side in an assessing manner and then reached out to steal one of the fries off Rodney's plate.
"Hey," Rodney protested. "That's mine - get your own."
Ronon grinned unrepentantly as he ate the ill-gotten potato. "Relax, McKay; you've got plenty," he said.
"That's not the point," Rodney grumbled. "That was one of the nice crunchy ones."
For some bizarre reason, Ronon's assessing look became even more pointed at his words. "Maybe, but you didn't even notice that particular one 'til I wanted it."
Rodney frowned, wondering whether the stresses of training the recruits really had been great enough, not only to get John down, but also to crack Ronon. Unsure of how to respond, he contented himself with glowering at Ronon and eating his fries as fast as possible.
The silence stretched and Rodney found himself thinking back to the slump of John's shoulders as he ate. "So, is he alright?" he found himself asking Ronon before he could stop himself.
"Who?" Ronon asked. "Sheppard?"
"Yeah," Rodney replied. "He looks... I don't know... like someone's sucked the energy out of him."
Ronon shrugged. "Seems find to me - bit tired, but it's been a rough few days."
Rodney snorted. "Rough few years," he corrected. When Ronon didn't reply, Rodney shook his head and tried to concentrate on his dinner. Maybe Teyla would have some idea about what was troubling John - she always seemed to know far more about everyone that she should.
As Rodney took the last bite of casserole off his plate, he found that Ronon was still looking at him in an unnerving manner. "Now come on," he said in frustration. "Enough with the staring - what is it?"
"You're worried," Ronon said. "About Sheppard."
"Well, of course I'm worried," Rodney snapped. "The man looks like he's on the brink of collapse. Given that he's our chief military officer, I think we all should be worried."
"Hmm," Ronon hummed noncommittally. "I heard Jennifer's not been well," he said after a beat. "That she's only just got back to work."
Rodney blinked at the apparent non sequitur. "Oh, really?" he said. "I haven't seen her in..." he paused to think about it, "Well, in quite a few days really." He'd meant to, but he'd become totally caught up in his work and just hadn't gotten around to it. Now that he thought about it, it was a pretty silly thing to do, especially as he'd have been able to spend some time with her without Ronon being around. Well, maybe not if, as it turned out, she'd been sick. "Wait, you mean you think John's come down with what she has?" He frowned at the thought, feeling his worry intensify; it would be just like John to come down with some weird alien virus and not tell anyone 'til he was practically comatose. He started to rise to his feet, intent on hunting John down and frog-marching him down to the infirmary.
"Relax, McKay," Ronon said, his eyes gleaming with a suspicious light. "Sheppard's not sick."
Ronon sounded so certain of the fact that Rodney allowed himself to sink back down into his seat with a feeling of relief. "Oh, well, that's good," he said, reaching out for the first of his pudding cups.
Ronon stood up and grinned down at Rodney. "Yeah," he agreed. "It is." Reaching down he snagged the second of Rodney's pudding cups before Rodney could stop him. "Night, McKay," he said as he left.
Rodney frowned after him as he left, deciding that the loss of his second pudding probably wasn't worth worrying over. It had been the vanilla one, after all, and he was already holding the dark chocolate one that he really wanted.
~*~
Instead of heading directly back to his quarters once he'd finished his meal, Rodney turned instead towards the transporter that would take him up to the infirmary. It was a long shot, but there was a chance that Jennifer would still be on duty there - particularly if, as Ronon had said, she'd been ill and was now trying to catch up with things. He didn't examine too closely his motivations for seeking Jennifer out, preferring instead to see it as evidence to the fact that he did indeed intend to pursue some sort of romantic relationship with her. In fact, he berated himself for not seeking her out sooner, especially given that Ronon had spent most of his time off-world over the past few days and the time would have given Rodney the perfect opportunity to have some time alone with Jennifer without his looming presence.
The conversation he and Ronon'd had in the gym after they'd got back from M33-985 had confused Rodney, as had Ronon's attitude towards him when they'd been tracking Kiryk through the forest. Rodney was well aware that he sometimes irritated Ronon, but he had thought that their time together on SGA-1 had helped them get over their initial wariness of each other. Whilst John and Ronon had bonded immediately - in a manly, blood and guts, fight the Wraith to the death kind of way - Rodney had found it harder to get to know Ronon. With his towering height and over-blown muscles he was the epitome of everything Rodney had learned to avoid. But, given that Rodney's time on Atlantis had gained him an unlikely best friend in the form of Lieutenant Colonel John Sheppard, who was to say that he couldn't at least get along with someone like Ronon? Not that Teyla would have tolerated any not-getting along from her team-mates and avoiding her censure had been yet another incentive for Rodney.
Rodney had believed that, after over three years of fighting the Wraith together, he and Ronon had developed at least a tentative friendship. While they might not be bosom buddies - and, really, who wanted that if it meant early morning runs? - they at least had grown to recognise and appreciated each other's strengths. That they shared a mutual passion for food also helped and the lengths Ronon, along with the rest of his team, had gone through to help him when everything that made him who he was had been fading away had only hammered this point home.
So what had all that posturing in the training room been about? The more arrogant and self-important side of Rodney's character wanted to believe it was because Ronon saw him as a potential rival for Jennifer's affections, but something about that didn't ring quite true. Although he may want to ignore it, he couldn't help but be aware of just how close Ronon and Jennifer had become over the few months that had passed since they'd been locked in the infirmary together during the quarantine. His own interactions, by contrast, had remained pretty much the same - with Jennifer approaching him on occasion, but also with Rodney himself also not remembering to reciprocate unless specifically reminded by something. Point of fact, the whole motivation for his presence on the mission to M33-985 had been prompted by the realisation that, when Jennifer had asked for volunteers, Ronon had been one of the first to respond. And now, as then, Rodney found himself seeking Jennifer out as a direct result of something Ronon had said. Surely that showed that he was serious about pursuing her? As he'd told Ronon that night in the gym, he wasn't going to fight him for her, but he wasn't going merely let him have her either.
As the doors to the infirmary slid open, Rodney wondered for a moment whether he should have just gone to bed after all. The waves of tiredness he'd been fighting for hours were becoming more difficult to evade and he wasn't entirely sure what he was going to say...
"Rodney?" Jennifer looked up from her desk and smiled at him as he stepped over the threshold. "Is everything okay?"
Realising that he was probably startling her with his late-night visit, Rodney shook his head rapidly to reassure her as he crossed over to where she sat. "No, no, nothing's wrong," he said quickly. "I just... um... you know, wanted to see how you were doing. I hear you've not been well..." He trailed off as he noticed the dark circles under her eyes, half-worried that perhaps, despite Ronon's reassurances, her illness had been worse than he'd thought.
"Oh, that's sweet of you," she replied with another tired smile. "I'm doing much better. It was just a mild cold, really - just knocked me out for a few days." She cast a glance towards the computer monitor in front of her and let out a small sigh. "Although I am now very behind with everything. It's lucky we've not had an emergency situation."
At her mention of her illness, a million questions crowded into Rodney's mind, along with a visual image of John's tired face. Frowning at Jennifer, he tried to compare the fatigue on her face with that on John's - could they be suffering from the same infection?
"Rodney? Are you sure you're alright?" Jennifer's voice cut across his thoughts as she rose to her feet to approach him. The signs of her recent illness were clearly apparent on her face and Rodney studied them intently. She seemed a little thinner than before, her cheekbones more finely drawn, and there were dark rings under her eyes and an unusual paleness to her skin.
"Yes, yes, fine," Rodney replied distractedly, wondering if he'd detected a hint of that same paleness in John's face. "Are you sure you're better? I mean, you still don't look all that great to me."
Jennifer's face fell and Rodney winced as he re-played his words - cursing himself internally for his bluntness. "I mean, I'm... I'm worried about you," he clarified quickly. "About whether you're really well enough to be back at work."
Jennifer nodded and closed her eyes briefly. "I am still very tired," she admitted as she looked up at him again, her eyes slightly hazy with her exhaustion.
In the dim lights of the deserted infirmary, Jennifer looked even younger than normal and Rodney felt concern for her well up inside him. He was suddenly very glad that he had decided to ignore his own fatigue and come here after all.
"Then it's a good thing I stopped by to escort you back to your quarters," he said, holding out an arm to her in what he hoped was a gentlemanly-like fashion. "Even if it was just a cold, you don't want to risk it turning into something worse," he cautioned as she took his arm.
"No, of course not," she replied with a bright smile and Rodney felt relieved that he'd apparently been forgiven for his earlier bluntness. "Although there really isn't any cause for concern - I've just been working for a bit too long."
Her reassurance went a long way to easing the other source of Rodney's worry. "So no one else has come down with it?" he asked before he was able to stop himself.
"Not as far as I know," Jennifer replied as they made their way out of the infirmary. "And even if they were, it's really so mild a virus that it certainly wouldn't cause a problem for the city."
As the final bit of tension eased from his chest, Rodney felt his own tiredness take control and he only just managed to get Jennifer to her quarters before staggering back to his own and falling into a dreamless sleep.
~*~
Rodney awoke the next morning feeling surprisingly refreshed and optimistic about the day ahead. His conversation with Jennifer the night before had gone a long way to allaying his fears about John's health. Even if it turned out that Ronon was wrong and John was actually sick, it was obviously nothing to be too worried about. Rodney would just have keep a close eye on him and ensure that he made John go to the infirmary if he started showing any signs of illness.
In addition to that reassurance, Rodney was also pleased about the way it had gone in terms of furthering his chances with Jennifer as a whole. After his odd conversation with Ronon over dinner, he'd been left feeling as if he was missing something, and a fairly big something at that. At least having reconnected with Jennifer, he was relieved to have confirmed that he hadn't missed out on anything after all and that she was still obviously interested and happy to see him.
His optimism carried him through the morning and, heeding the lessons of the day before, when Radek suggested that maybe they should break for lunch, Rodney agreed. From Radek's rambling comments as they made their way down to the commissary, it sounded like the engineers had made some head-way with the power module of the device. His team of software engineers had likewise made some small steps towards decrypting the device's primary algorithms and Rodney's own work on the device's power matrix was finally showing fewer compilation errors. All in all, he deemed it a good morning's work.
As the group of scientists queued for their lunch, Rodney spotted Jennifer and Teyla seated at SGA-1's usual table. John and Ronon were undoubtedly off-world with the marines again and it appeared as though Teyla's latest diplomatic mission - introducing Woolsey to Atlantis' closest allies - had now been completed. Once he had collected his food, he made his way over to them, vaguely aware that the other scientists chose to sit elsewhere.
Jennifer smiled brightly at him as he took the seat opposite Teyla. Feeling himself flush at the light of her regard, he stammered a greeting, cursing his fair skin and the return of his awkwardness. When he turned to talk to Teyla, he felt some of his composure return. He didn't get it - Teyla was easily the most stunning woman Rodney had ever encountered, and yet he never felt uncomfortable with her. Now that he came to think of it, even with Jennifer his awkwardness had not manifested itself until he'd realised she might be a potential romantic partner. Looking back even further, he realised that same had been true with his relationship with Katie - that and the fact that it had really been Cadman's doing that he'd even moved into a relationship with her at all.
His growling stomach distracted him from the direction his thoughts had taken and, as he picked up the first half of his sandwich, he cast around for something to say to Jennifer. Despite his best efforts, he came up with nothing. He could hardly ask her again about her illness again, having just spoken to her about it the night before, besides which, he already knew more than he ever wanted to know about the various types of Pegasus viruses. Continuing to draw a blank, he turned to Teyla instead. "So, have you finished showing Woolsey the sights of Pegasus?" he asked.
Teyla smiled over at Rodney. "Yes," she said. "We had our final visit this morning with the leaders of the people of Laatia."
Rodney frowned, the name conjuring vague images of some sort of blue paste and chicken feathers. "They're the people with the..." he twirled a finger over the top of his head to indicate the sort of elaborate head-dress he seemed to recall the Laatians had worn.
"Who wear the formal laariia, yes," Teyla replied.
"Right, of course, the laariia," he said as the memory of the mission suddenly segued into focus in his mind. "How could I possibly forget that one?"
The look of consternation he knew must be showing on his face made Teyla laugh out loud. "I do not know, Rodney," she said. "I believe you did not stop teasing John about it for weeks."
The Laatian mission had been a successful one as a whole. The Laatians themselves were friendly and hospitable people and they had a surplus of food for which they were only too happy to trade. However, the highlight of the trip had definitely been the preliminary negotiations in which SGA-1 two 'primaries' had been asked to don the traditional Laatian 'robes of discourse'. When these 'robes' had turned out to be little more than a collection of what looked like brown cabbage leaves and an enormous feathered head dress, Rodney had never before been so glad of his complete and utter lack of diplomatic talent. Thankfully, it had fallen to Teyla and John to do the honours and it was only the very serious tone of John's voice threatening to corrupt his entire DVD collection that had prevented Rodney from taking photos.
Of course, Teyla had looked stunning in her feather and cabbage combination, but then Rodney had already known that she would. After all, she'd somehow managed to look stunning covered in the oatmeal-like substance the people of M37-TY8 seemed to think was essential for 'purity of the soul' or some other such nonsense, so naturally she'd look stunning in whatever bizarre outfits the people of Pegasus seemed so fond. She'd merely smiled at the Laatian primaries and remained poised and elegant through out the negotiations.
John, on the other hand, had managed somewhat less well. With the cabbage leaves placed on strategic parts of his body and the feathered head dress sitting at an alarming angle on his head, Rodney had had to bit his tongue hard to keep from laughing aloud. He had previously thought that there was no look that John, with his lackadaisical grace and chiselled features, couldn't pull off, but apparently the people of Laatia had found it. Yet, now that he thought back to that day, there'd been something about John even when draped in what was essentially nothing but moulding leaves and ragged feathers.
"Well, I need to head of to the infirmary, I'm afraid," Jennifer's voice cut through Rodney's musings.
Blinking Rodney looked up at her, smiling down at him, and nodded, taking a big bite out of his sandwich as he did so.
"See you later, Jennifer," Teyla said as she started to leave, shooting Rodney an odd look as she did so.
Rodney shrugged internally and continued eating, only becoming aware that Teyla was staring at him. "What?" he said, a little more heatedly that he'd intended, but he was getting tired of people staring at him.
Teyla smiled at him and shook her head. "It is nothing," she said. "So, thing are well with you?"
"Getting there," Rodney replied. "Finally had a breakthrough with the device so we should have some idea what its purpose is before too long."
"That is good news," Teyla said. "And just in time for us to start our missions again."
"Yes, missions," Rodney repeated with a sigh, wondering just what disaster was waiting for them out there this time.
"You are not looking forward to getting back into the field?" Teyla asked, her own excitement at doing so shining brightly from her eyes.
Rodney shrugged, "Not particularly. I mean, we've not exactly had the best run of luck when it comes to going off-world."
A small furrow creased Teyla's brow. "Well, while it is true we have had to face many unpleasant situations," she replied slowly, "we have triumphed over each one."
Rodney snorted at that - unpleasant situations indeed. "By the skin of our teeth."
An eyebrow quirking at the unusual turn of phrase, Teyla nodded before a wicked smile came over her face. "But is that not just the way we roll?"
Rodney laughed despite himself. Calming only to say, "I guess, but that doesn't mean we can't roll a little more gently for a while. We could all do with a break - some of us more than others."
"Oh? You are feeling unwell?" Teyla asked, her concern evident.
"No, no, not me," Rodney said, waving away her worry. "John - haven't you noticed how tired he's looking?"
For some unfathomable reason, a pleased smile flashed briefly across Teyla's face before her expression smoothed over once more. "He has been taking on a lot of extra responsibilities of late," she admitted. "But I do not think that there is a real need for concern, Rodney."
"Really?" Rodney pressed, surprised that Teyla hadn't picked up on the true extent of John's condition. Out of all of them, he'd have thought she'd have been the one to see what exactly was going on.
Teyla shrugged, "But then I have not seen much of him recently, Rodney. If you think that he is not well, perhaps you should talk to him."
"Oh, yeah," Rodney replied sarcastically. "Because talking to John always goes down so well."
"I think you will find it will go more smoothly than you think," Teyla said, her expression quite earnest as Rodney boggled at her.
"Are you serious?" he asked. "Because this is John Sheppard we're talking about here - perhaps the man least likely to respond well to talking. And even if he were, I am hardly the ideal candidate to talk to him in the first place."
When Teyla opened her mouth to respond, he waved whatever it was she was about to say away with a flick of his hand. "Besides which," he continued a little morosely. "My 'manly' talks haven't exactly gone down all that well recently."
"Oh?" Teyla questioned with a raised eyebrow.
Rodney took another bite of his sandwich, scowling as he chewed. "Ronon," he muttered darkly once he'd swallowed.
Teyla tilted her head to one side in question. "How so? I had thought your mission together on M33-985 would have brought you closer."
Rodney scoffed at that. "Yeah, not so much. One minute everything's fine - I mean, he's doing his tracking thing and I'm... well... helping, and then the next he's biting my head off. And then," Rodney continued, really on a roll now. "When we get back here - having both rescued Jennifer might I add - he goes all cave-man on me."
Teyla frowned a little at that. "I'm sure he did not intend to give you that impression, Rodney," she reassured him.
"Yes, well, I'm not so sure about that," Rodney replied. "He seemed pretty clear about getting his message across."
"Message?"
"Yes," Rodney said, again surprised that Teyla hadn't picked on Ronon's attachment to Jennifer. "That he is intending to..." he floundered a little searching for the right word, "... to court Jennifer."
If anything, his explanation seemed to confuse Teyla further.
"You know," he said, feeling rather frustrated at having to spell things out like this. "He was warning me off."
"Ah," Teyla said, her expression clearing at last, "I see." She regarded him closely for a moment before taking a sip of her tea. "And you see his interest in Jennifer as a threat?" she asked carefully.
Rodney opened his mouth to say 'yes', but then closed it again before speaking, suddenly wondering whether he truly did see Ronon's words that way. While it was true that, at the time, he'd only been able to sense hostility from Ronon, there hadn't been any hostility in Ronon's tone when they'd talked again the night before. If anything, it was almost as if Ronon had been trying to tell him something, not that Rodney had been able to figure out quite what. Plus he'd been very helpful in reassuring Rodney about John.
With this new information in mind, Rodney amended his reply. "I did at first," he admitted. "But now I'm not so sure. I mean, I think he was worried about Jennifer and... well, I guess he's interested in her too. Has been ever since the quarantine situation."
Teyla nodded her agreement. "And what about you?" she asked. "Have you been interested in Jennifer that long?"
"Well, no," Rodney answered, a tad uncomfortably. "I was, you know, with Katie at the time..." he let his words drop off as he thought back to how very muddled he'd been about everything that day. He'd gone from nervous excitement at the prospect of proposing to confused depression in the wake of John's reaction to his plan to the dawning understanding that he was on the brink of making a huge mistake. He'd avoided proposing in the end - finally seeing that Katie was not right for him - but, to this day, he'd yet to get to the bottom of John's reaction. The whole situation with Jennifer had not happened until sometime later and, even now, he was starting to see that maybe he wasn't as committed to it as he perhaps ought to be. After all, the one thing he didn't want was a repeat of the messy break-up he'd had with Katie. "I just don't know," he muttered to himself at last.
A soft sound for Teyla had him glancing up to find her smiling softly at him. "On the contrary," she said, her voice warm. "I think you do know, I only think you, as yet, do not see."
~*~
Read 'Making Sense' part 2 here.
Author:
the_cephalopodRecipient: For
bmouse. I hope you enjoy the story & have a wonderful holiday!Pairings: Primarily McKay/Sheppard, with a very small amount of background Ronon/Keller.
Rating: R
Disclaimer: I do not own anything related to SGA.
Author's Notes: Thank you to my fantastic beta, who went above and beyond at the last minute, and to
alyse and moonlettuce for running this wonderful exchange.Summary: Rodney is confused, John is upset and Ronon and Teyla, as usual, have all the answers.
Rodney frowned down at his pad in consternation, wishing it was possible to simply glare the results into submission. Unfortunately, they seemed to be entirely unaware of his ire and continued to show that the program was uncompilable. Shaking his head, he dropped the pad down onto his desk in frustration. A quick glance round the lab showed that it was completely deserted - a sure sign that he'd been working for far too long. Thinking back, he could vaguely recall Radek asking him if he was coming to dinner, but he'd been in the middle of re-writing a particularly stubborn algorithm at the time and had merely waved Radek away with his attention still firmly fixed on his work. The slightly queasy feeling in his stomach indicated that perhaps he should have taken Radek up on his offer after all - the pile of discarded powerbar wrappers beside his coffee mug evidence to the fact that he'd not had any proper food all day.
Deciding that he'd had more than enough of work, Rodney shut down his laptop and, in a fit of depression, consigned his pad to the bottom drawer of his desk - the one he kept exclusively for his copies of the moronic dictates from the SGC and the direst of Kavanaugh's lab reports. He could only hope that after a meal and a night's sleep, he'd have some inspiration and finally be able to make some headway.
He and a small team had been working on the project non-stop for the past few days - trying to find a way to repair a piece of Ancient technology that SGA-1 had uncovered in the ruins of what once must have been a research base. The Ancient database on Atlantis had proven to be entirely useless in providing any clue as to what the base's purpose had been and their only hint from the site itself was this one small device, which was also stubbornly declining to give up its secrets.
They'd come across planet almost by accident - Teyla picking up the address from a throwaway remark she had overheard during one of her trading missions with SGA-12. It had taken some doing, but Rodney had finally convinced Woolsey that it was a lead worth following. With all the recent turmoil of Wraith hybrids, the seemingly miraculous but ultimately disastrous return of dead friends, and the effects of brain-rotting parasites, Rodney had figured that he and the rest of SGA-1 deserved a low-profile mission. Besides which, he was keen to ensure he was still in command of his mental faculties and was still smarting somewhat from Ronon's snide comments about his 'little gadgets'. The discovery and repair of some spectacularly useful Ancient device was definitely in order.
The mission itself had certainly been low-profile; the planet obviously having been either abandoned or culled to extinction long ago and the research base itself had been razed to little more than a few charred ruins. As they'd picked through the rubble searching for anything that might be of use, Rodney had felt a shiver of unease run down his spine: one day soon, this could far too easily be all that remained of Atlantis. As he'd turned his head towards his team-mates, he'd met John's gaze and found it startlingly open for once. In John's eyes, Rodney could clearly see his own fears reflected and knew that he wasn't the only one who'd been shaken by the events of the past year. From the loss of Elizabeth to their last minute triumph over the Replicators and from the reappearance of Michael and his army of clones to the interactions they'd had with the ghosts of their friends, recent events had shaken them all.
Rodney had never been good at dealing with his emotions, preferring instead to bury himself in his work and let his fear, anger and frustration escape that way. His short-temper and his impatience with his colleagues and, more often than anyone ever realised, with himself, were the only way he knew to rid himself of the excess energy such emotions generated. Coming face to face with such devastation in what was supposed to have been a 'light' mission only served to increase the maelstrom of worry and stress which had already been building steadily inside him. As he'd looked into John's eyes, the moment had stretched and a connection had formed between them. Rodney knew that John was, in his own way, was no better than he at coping, but somehow John always seemed to be capable of stoically continuing on as normal, with his perpetual swagger and smirk firmly in place as he acted as if none of what had happened had affected him in the slightest. Of course, Rodney knew differently. After almost five years of friendship, he knew John - understood how he thought and how he acted - and looking into his eyes as they both stood amongst the tangible proof of the fallibility of a civilisation far more advanced than their own, he'd simply known that John was reaching the end of his tether.
It didn't make any sense, but for one dizzying moment Rodney had felt compelled to go up to John and comfort him. The impulse had been shocking, both in its strength and in its novelty. Since when did John want comfort from anyone? And since when was Rodney the one who wanted to provide it? They quite simply weren't that kind of friends. Sure, they might share the odd shoulder bump from time to time, but that really was the limit of their physical interaction. Beers on the pier, questionable sci-fi movies, video games and the odd car race down on the lower levels were usually the extent of their personal sharing. But still, something in the openness of John's expression had called to Rodney and he'd found himself taking several stumbling steps towards John before he'd even realised that he'd moved.
Looking back on it now, Rodney was still at a loss to explain what had come over him. He knew that he was feeling particularly raw and vulnerable at the moment, but that still didn't explain that near-catastrophic lapse in judgement. Of course, in the end, nothing had come of it. Even as Rodney had approached John, knowing for sure that his intentions were clearly visible on his face but seemingly helpless to stop himself from acting upon them, John's shutters had snapped firmly closed. By the time Rodney had reached his side, an expression of benign indifference had replaced that of his honest emotions and Rodney had only been able to stand there whilst John had asked him whether they were done with the place or whether he wanted to sift through more rubbish. Still somewhat confused by his bizarre impulse, Rodney had asked for a little more time and his subsequent search had led to the collection of what was probably the only intact piece of equipment still remaining.
Rodney turned in his chair and glared at the device in question, sitting so innocently on one of the lab's testing tables. It had been badly burned by whatever weapon had destroyed the facility and a team of engineers, headed up by Radek, had been working on disassembling and repairing it. For his own part, Rodney's team had been working on the patchy bits of code they'd managed to pull from the device's computer core - portioning out segments to the other scientists involved and keeping the mainframe structure to work on himself. Not that any of them had actually made any kind of progress whatsoever.
Rodney shook himself and rose to his feet, determined to waste no more time on the device. It was late and he was tired and hungry. As he made his way out of the lab and towards the transporter, he hoped that there was something edible still available in the commissary.
As it turned out, he needn't have worried. The commissary was surprisingly busy for so late an hour, with a noisy crowd of marines clustered around one of the large tables in the centre of the room. It wasn't until Rodney spotted John and Ronon over at the far end that he remembered that while he had been busy with his scientists, John had been equally so with his soldiers. When Woolsey had arrived on Atlantis to relieve Sam Carter, he'd brought with him a new contingent of marines, whose training was now John's responsibility. When Rodney had first caught a glimpse of these newest recruits - all set to go on their first off-world training mission under Lorne's command - he had been staggered at how young and innocent they all looked. He'd then had had to boggle at himself for the thought. After all, who'd have thought the day would come when Rodney McKay felt more confidence in his own ability of carrying out a physically challenging and dangerous off-world mission than a bunch of marines? Looking back at just how much he'd changed since he first stepped out of the stargate and into Pegasus, Rodney realised that he owed a large part of the person he was now to the Atlantis expedition and to the friendships with which it had gifted him.
The sight of John and Ronon sitting together gave Rodney a moment's pause, much like the one he'd experienced on the planet a few days ago, as he took in their expressions. Ronon looked a little tired, but it was John's appearance that really rattled Rodney. It had been a hard few months for all of them, but Rodney couldn't help but think that John looked completely wrecked. Rodney knew that, on the surface at any rate, John looked much the same as ever, but he was now starting to realise that he could see beyond John's facade. The fine lines around John's eyes and the slumped set of his shoulder were sure signs of his exhaustion and, judging from the remains of his dinner, he was also eating far too little for Rodney's peace of mind.
As he stood at the doorway to the commissary, Rodney found that he was still at a loss to know quite what to make of his insights, or the desire they prompted within him to help John somehow. Despite their obvious differences, John and Rodney were close friends. Not that John would ever say anything to that effect, of course, but from pretty much the first week of their stay on Atlantis, when they had bonded over a shared love of experimenting with cool Ancient tech, a friendship had been formed that the years had only strengthened.
It had taken its fair share knocks, of course, and there were times when Rodney knew that the more arrogant and self-centred side of his personality grated on John's far more selfless and easy-going one. And vice-versa. Nevertheless, their friendship had survived, despite each doing things that infuriated the other - suicide runs and decimated solar systems being but two examples. In fact, thinking back to that past year, Rodney had to admit that they'd actually grown even closer as Rodney had been shown, time and time again, the strength of John's regard. Not being someone used to having friends, let alone a best friend, it had surprised Rodney just how far John was prepared to go to keep him safe. After the death of Wallace at the hands of the Wraith to whom Rodney had decided to sacrifice himself to ensure Jeanie's survival, he could no longer have any doubt.
But none of that truly explained these new revelations or their accompanying emotions. Even when he'd been under the effects of the parasite which had robbed him of his mental faculties, he'd still instinctively known that John was someone who would keep him safe, someone who would always come for him. On one level, he didn't question this instinct - it was correct, after all - but, on another, it did raise some interesting questions... Ones he hadn't wanted to face at the time, but ones that continued to linger even through his subsequent dinner date with Jennifer.
And the thought of Jennifer raised yet another reason why he found himself somewhat hesitant at approaching his team-mates. If his odd feelings for John weren't enough, he'd also had to deal with the realisation that he might actually stand a chance with Jennifer. Not that this was an unwelcome realisation, far from it. Jennifer was beautiful, sweet and intelligent - everything Rodney had ever wanted in a partner. Yet the situation, and his feelings about it, had proven to be far more complex than he'd anticipated when Jennifer had first asked him to accompany her for a drink all those months ago.
Not that the drink hadn't been pleasant enough, but it hadn't led anywhere. Before he'd known it, Rodney had become caught up in mess that was Michael and the shocking reappearance of Carson, albeit only in clone form. Even when life had quietened down again, Rodney had still found himself somewhat reluctant to try to pick things up with Jennifer. For one thing, his previous relationship with Katie Brown had made him cautious. He had fallen into that relationship with far too little forethought, more enamoured with the idea of being wanted by someone than by Katie herself. He could still recall vividly the looked of shocked disbelief which had graced John's face when he'd shown him the engagement ring he'd intended for Katie. It had troubled him at the time and he'd found himself watching her more closely, noting not only her reactions but also his own. The fact that he'd come so close to actually proposing to someone who clearly didn't even have the first idea of who he really was had led to his determination not to pursue anything with Jennifer which may be equally based on false assumptions.
The fact that Jennifer had seen him at his best and at his worst and still seemed to be fond of him gave him some hope. And when it seemed like Ronon was simply going to swoop in and take her from right under his nose, Rodney found himself angrily indignant. Just because she was a beautiful woman, it didn't mean that she would automatically fall for the clichéd muscle-bound hero, did it? While he didn't want to get into a fight with Ronon over her, Rodney was damned if he was just going to give in. So, where did all that leave him? It seemed he had a close friendship that seemed to be growing even closer, a potential romantic liaison with a beautiful woman about whom he was strangely ambivalent until challenged, and an odd sort of rivalry with someone on whose bad side he definitely didn't want to find himself.
His rumbling stomach interrupted his musing and, telling himself that his introspection was becoming ridiculous, Rodney forced himself to catch John's eye. Something inside him eased when he saw John's grin and beckoning wave. Finding himself grinning back in automatic response, Rodney nodded and then quickly headed over in the direction of the food to collect his dinner. With his stomach rumbling, he helped himself to a large plateful of casserole and fried potatoes and a couple of pudding cups. He then carefully picked his way through the melee to John and Ronon's table.
"Hey, Rodney," John greeted him with a lazy grin, pushing out the chair at his side so Rodney could sit down. "Second dinner or you just in here late?"
"Second dinner, I wish," Rodney groused as he loaded his fork and took a big bite. He couldn't help letting out a little sigh of pleasure as the rich taste of the casserole exploded in his mouth. "I'll have you know that this is the first time I've made it out of my lab today."
"You've got good timing, McKay," Ronon said, his eyes focussed a little too closely on Rodney's meal for Rodney's liking. "The dacarin's good."
"Hmm," Rodney hummed around his second mouthful of what he figured must be dacarin casserole, one hand curling protectively around his plate as he chewed. "Very good," he agreed after he'd swallowed, relieved that Ronon's interaction with him seemed to be no different from normal.
"So, have you guys have been making some progress with that gizmo?" John asked as Rodney continued to make inroads into his meal.
"Not as such," Rodney replied, pausing in his eating long enough to grimace as he was forced to admit to their decided lack of progress. "The device has sustained considerable damage - Zelenka's team hasn't been able to get it operational and we're still struggling with its basic coding structure."
"Well, you've got two more days before SGA-1's back on the mission board," John said.
"Can't come soon enough," Ronon rumbled.
"You said it," John replied with a heartfelt sigh.
"The new recruits giving you trouble?" Rodney asked, his eyes darting back and forth between his team-mates and wondering whether the stress of the training could really be the sole source of the weariness that was etched into John's features.
John reached up to rub at the back of his neck, rolling his right shoulder and eliciting a crack that made Rodney's own ache in sympathy. "No more so than normal," he admitted, casting Rodney a half-grin. "I'm just looking forward to getting out there again myself."
"And the recruits are as unskilled as a litter of new-born timara."
John laughed. "There is that, but, hey, we're getting there with them."
"Slowly," Ronon snorted. "But we'll get there in the end," he added with an evil grin.
John laughed even more at that and Rodney found himself feeling a little sorry on behalf of the marines for whatever the two of them had planned for tomorrow's training mission.
"And on that happy note," John said, rising to his feet. "I need to catch up with Lorne. See you guys later." And, with a nod to Ronon and a brief pat to Rodney's shoulder, he crossed the room to speak to his second in command.
Rodney watched John go with his brow furrowed - was John limping slightly or was it just his usual slouching swagger? Shaking his head, he turned his attention back to his dinner, startled for a moment to find that Ronon was eyeing him curiously.
"What?" he asked as he crunched down on a fried potato.
Ronon tilted his head to the side in an assessing manner and then reached out to steal one of the fries off Rodney's plate.
"Hey," Rodney protested. "That's mine - get your own."
Ronon grinned unrepentantly as he ate the ill-gotten potato. "Relax, McKay; you've got plenty," he said.
"That's not the point," Rodney grumbled. "That was one of the nice crunchy ones."
For some bizarre reason, Ronon's assessing look became even more pointed at his words. "Maybe, but you didn't even notice that particular one 'til I wanted it."
Rodney frowned, wondering whether the stresses of training the recruits really had been great enough, not only to get John down, but also to crack Ronon. Unsure of how to respond, he contented himself with glowering at Ronon and eating his fries as fast as possible.
The silence stretched and Rodney found himself thinking back to the slump of John's shoulders as he ate. "So, is he alright?" he found himself asking Ronon before he could stop himself.
"Who?" Ronon asked. "Sheppard?"
"Yeah," Rodney replied. "He looks... I don't know... like someone's sucked the energy out of him."
Ronon shrugged. "Seems find to me - bit tired, but it's been a rough few days."
Rodney snorted. "Rough few years," he corrected. When Ronon didn't reply, Rodney shook his head and tried to concentrate on his dinner. Maybe Teyla would have some idea about what was troubling John - she always seemed to know far more about everyone that she should.
As Rodney took the last bite of casserole off his plate, he found that Ronon was still looking at him in an unnerving manner. "Now come on," he said in frustration. "Enough with the staring - what is it?"
"You're worried," Ronon said. "About Sheppard."
"Well, of course I'm worried," Rodney snapped. "The man looks like he's on the brink of collapse. Given that he's our chief military officer, I think we all should be worried."
"Hmm," Ronon hummed noncommittally. "I heard Jennifer's not been well," he said after a beat. "That she's only just got back to work."
Rodney blinked at the apparent non sequitur. "Oh, really?" he said. "I haven't seen her in..." he paused to think about it, "Well, in quite a few days really." He'd meant to, but he'd become totally caught up in his work and just hadn't gotten around to it. Now that he thought about it, it was a pretty silly thing to do, especially as he'd have been able to spend some time with her without Ronon being around. Well, maybe not if, as it turned out, she'd been sick. "Wait, you mean you think John's come down with what she has?" He frowned at the thought, feeling his worry intensify; it would be just like John to come down with some weird alien virus and not tell anyone 'til he was practically comatose. He started to rise to his feet, intent on hunting John down and frog-marching him down to the infirmary.
"Relax, McKay," Ronon said, his eyes gleaming with a suspicious light. "Sheppard's not sick."
Ronon sounded so certain of the fact that Rodney allowed himself to sink back down into his seat with a feeling of relief. "Oh, well, that's good," he said, reaching out for the first of his pudding cups.
Ronon stood up and grinned down at Rodney. "Yeah," he agreed. "It is." Reaching down he snagged the second of Rodney's pudding cups before Rodney could stop him. "Night, McKay," he said as he left.
Rodney frowned after him as he left, deciding that the loss of his second pudding probably wasn't worth worrying over. It had been the vanilla one, after all, and he was already holding the dark chocolate one that he really wanted.
Instead of heading directly back to his quarters once he'd finished his meal, Rodney turned instead towards the transporter that would take him up to the infirmary. It was a long shot, but there was a chance that Jennifer would still be on duty there - particularly if, as Ronon had said, she'd been ill and was now trying to catch up with things. He didn't examine too closely his motivations for seeking Jennifer out, preferring instead to see it as evidence to the fact that he did indeed intend to pursue some sort of romantic relationship with her. In fact, he berated himself for not seeking her out sooner, especially given that Ronon had spent most of his time off-world over the past few days and the time would have given Rodney the perfect opportunity to have some time alone with Jennifer without his looming presence.
The conversation he and Ronon'd had in the gym after they'd got back from M33-985 had confused Rodney, as had Ronon's attitude towards him when they'd been tracking Kiryk through the forest. Rodney was well aware that he sometimes irritated Ronon, but he had thought that their time together on SGA-1 had helped them get over their initial wariness of each other. Whilst John and Ronon had bonded immediately - in a manly, blood and guts, fight the Wraith to the death kind of way - Rodney had found it harder to get to know Ronon. With his towering height and over-blown muscles he was the epitome of everything Rodney had learned to avoid. But, given that Rodney's time on Atlantis had gained him an unlikely best friend in the form of Lieutenant Colonel John Sheppard, who was to say that he couldn't at least get along with someone like Ronon? Not that Teyla would have tolerated any not-getting along from her team-mates and avoiding her censure had been yet another incentive for Rodney.
Rodney had believed that, after over three years of fighting the Wraith together, he and Ronon had developed at least a tentative friendship. While they might not be bosom buddies - and, really, who wanted that if it meant early morning runs? - they at least had grown to recognise and appreciated each other's strengths. That they shared a mutual passion for food also helped and the lengths Ronon, along with the rest of his team, had gone through to help him when everything that made him who he was had been fading away had only hammered this point home.
So what had all that posturing in the training room been about? The more arrogant and self-important side of Rodney's character wanted to believe it was because Ronon saw him as a potential rival for Jennifer's affections, but something about that didn't ring quite true. Although he may want to ignore it, he couldn't help but be aware of just how close Ronon and Jennifer had become over the few months that had passed since they'd been locked in the infirmary together during the quarantine. His own interactions, by contrast, had remained pretty much the same - with Jennifer approaching him on occasion, but also with Rodney himself also not remembering to reciprocate unless specifically reminded by something. Point of fact, the whole motivation for his presence on the mission to M33-985 had been prompted by the realisation that, when Jennifer had asked for volunteers, Ronon had been one of the first to respond. And now, as then, Rodney found himself seeking Jennifer out as a direct result of something Ronon had said. Surely that showed that he was serious about pursuing her? As he'd told Ronon that night in the gym, he wasn't going to fight him for her, but he wasn't going merely let him have her either.
As the doors to the infirmary slid open, Rodney wondered for a moment whether he should have just gone to bed after all. The waves of tiredness he'd been fighting for hours were becoming more difficult to evade and he wasn't entirely sure what he was going to say...
"Rodney?" Jennifer looked up from her desk and smiled at him as he stepped over the threshold. "Is everything okay?"
Realising that he was probably startling her with his late-night visit, Rodney shook his head rapidly to reassure her as he crossed over to where she sat. "No, no, nothing's wrong," he said quickly. "I just... um... you know, wanted to see how you were doing. I hear you've not been well..." He trailed off as he noticed the dark circles under her eyes, half-worried that perhaps, despite Ronon's reassurances, her illness had been worse than he'd thought.
"Oh, that's sweet of you," she replied with another tired smile. "I'm doing much better. It was just a mild cold, really - just knocked me out for a few days." She cast a glance towards the computer monitor in front of her and let out a small sigh. "Although I am now very behind with everything. It's lucky we've not had an emergency situation."
At her mention of her illness, a million questions crowded into Rodney's mind, along with a visual image of John's tired face. Frowning at Jennifer, he tried to compare the fatigue on her face with that on John's - could they be suffering from the same infection?
"Rodney? Are you sure you're alright?" Jennifer's voice cut across his thoughts as she rose to her feet to approach him. The signs of her recent illness were clearly apparent on her face and Rodney studied them intently. She seemed a little thinner than before, her cheekbones more finely drawn, and there were dark rings under her eyes and an unusual paleness to her skin.
"Yes, yes, fine," Rodney replied distractedly, wondering if he'd detected a hint of that same paleness in John's face. "Are you sure you're better? I mean, you still don't look all that great to me."
Jennifer's face fell and Rodney winced as he re-played his words - cursing himself internally for his bluntness. "I mean, I'm... I'm worried about you," he clarified quickly. "About whether you're really well enough to be back at work."
Jennifer nodded and closed her eyes briefly. "I am still very tired," she admitted as she looked up at him again, her eyes slightly hazy with her exhaustion.
In the dim lights of the deserted infirmary, Jennifer looked even younger than normal and Rodney felt concern for her well up inside him. He was suddenly very glad that he had decided to ignore his own fatigue and come here after all.
"Then it's a good thing I stopped by to escort you back to your quarters," he said, holding out an arm to her in what he hoped was a gentlemanly-like fashion. "Even if it was just a cold, you don't want to risk it turning into something worse," he cautioned as she took his arm.
"No, of course not," she replied with a bright smile and Rodney felt relieved that he'd apparently been forgiven for his earlier bluntness. "Although there really isn't any cause for concern - I've just been working for a bit too long."
Her reassurance went a long way to easing the other source of Rodney's worry. "So no one else has come down with it?" he asked before he was able to stop himself.
"Not as far as I know," Jennifer replied as they made their way out of the infirmary. "And even if they were, it's really so mild a virus that it certainly wouldn't cause a problem for the city."
As the final bit of tension eased from his chest, Rodney felt his own tiredness take control and he only just managed to get Jennifer to her quarters before staggering back to his own and falling into a dreamless sleep.
Rodney awoke the next morning feeling surprisingly refreshed and optimistic about the day ahead. His conversation with Jennifer the night before had gone a long way to allaying his fears about John's health. Even if it turned out that Ronon was wrong and John was actually sick, it was obviously nothing to be too worried about. Rodney would just have keep a close eye on him and ensure that he made John go to the infirmary if he started showing any signs of illness.
In addition to that reassurance, Rodney was also pleased about the way it had gone in terms of furthering his chances with Jennifer as a whole. After his odd conversation with Ronon over dinner, he'd been left feeling as if he was missing something, and a fairly big something at that. At least having reconnected with Jennifer, he was relieved to have confirmed that he hadn't missed out on anything after all and that she was still obviously interested and happy to see him.
His optimism carried him through the morning and, heeding the lessons of the day before, when Radek suggested that maybe they should break for lunch, Rodney agreed. From Radek's rambling comments as they made their way down to the commissary, it sounded like the engineers had made some head-way with the power module of the device. His team of software engineers had likewise made some small steps towards decrypting the device's primary algorithms and Rodney's own work on the device's power matrix was finally showing fewer compilation errors. All in all, he deemed it a good morning's work.
As the group of scientists queued for their lunch, Rodney spotted Jennifer and Teyla seated at SGA-1's usual table. John and Ronon were undoubtedly off-world with the marines again and it appeared as though Teyla's latest diplomatic mission - introducing Woolsey to Atlantis' closest allies - had now been completed. Once he had collected his food, he made his way over to them, vaguely aware that the other scientists chose to sit elsewhere.
Jennifer smiled brightly at him as he took the seat opposite Teyla. Feeling himself flush at the light of her regard, he stammered a greeting, cursing his fair skin and the return of his awkwardness. When he turned to talk to Teyla, he felt some of his composure return. He didn't get it - Teyla was easily the most stunning woman Rodney had ever encountered, and yet he never felt uncomfortable with her. Now that he came to think of it, even with Jennifer his awkwardness had not manifested itself until he'd realised she might be a potential romantic partner. Looking back even further, he realised that same had been true with his relationship with Katie - that and the fact that it had really been Cadman's doing that he'd even moved into a relationship with her at all.
His growling stomach distracted him from the direction his thoughts had taken and, as he picked up the first half of his sandwich, he cast around for something to say to Jennifer. Despite his best efforts, he came up with nothing. He could hardly ask her again about her illness again, having just spoken to her about it the night before, besides which, he already knew more than he ever wanted to know about the various types of Pegasus viruses. Continuing to draw a blank, he turned to Teyla instead. "So, have you finished showing Woolsey the sights of Pegasus?" he asked.
Teyla smiled over at Rodney. "Yes," she said. "We had our final visit this morning with the leaders of the people of Laatia."
Rodney frowned, the name conjuring vague images of some sort of blue paste and chicken feathers. "They're the people with the..." he twirled a finger over the top of his head to indicate the sort of elaborate head-dress he seemed to recall the Laatians had worn.
"Who wear the formal laariia, yes," Teyla replied.
"Right, of course, the laariia," he said as the memory of the mission suddenly segued into focus in his mind. "How could I possibly forget that one?"
The look of consternation he knew must be showing on his face made Teyla laugh out loud. "I do not know, Rodney," she said. "I believe you did not stop teasing John about it for weeks."
The Laatian mission had been a successful one as a whole. The Laatians themselves were friendly and hospitable people and they had a surplus of food for which they were only too happy to trade. However, the highlight of the trip had definitely been the preliminary negotiations in which SGA-1 two 'primaries' had been asked to don the traditional Laatian 'robes of discourse'. When these 'robes' had turned out to be little more than a collection of what looked like brown cabbage leaves and an enormous feathered head dress, Rodney had never before been so glad of his complete and utter lack of diplomatic talent. Thankfully, it had fallen to Teyla and John to do the honours and it was only the very serious tone of John's voice threatening to corrupt his entire DVD collection that had prevented Rodney from taking photos.
Of course, Teyla had looked stunning in her feather and cabbage combination, but then Rodney had already known that she would. After all, she'd somehow managed to look stunning covered in the oatmeal-like substance the people of M37-TY8 seemed to think was essential for 'purity of the soul' or some other such nonsense, so naturally she'd look stunning in whatever bizarre outfits the people of Pegasus seemed so fond. She'd merely smiled at the Laatian primaries and remained poised and elegant through out the negotiations.
John, on the other hand, had managed somewhat less well. With the cabbage leaves placed on strategic parts of his body and the feathered head dress sitting at an alarming angle on his head, Rodney had had to bit his tongue hard to keep from laughing aloud. He had previously thought that there was no look that John, with his lackadaisical grace and chiselled features, couldn't pull off, but apparently the people of Laatia had found it. Yet, now that he thought back to that day, there'd been something about John even when draped in what was essentially nothing but moulding leaves and ragged feathers.
"Well, I need to head of to the infirmary, I'm afraid," Jennifer's voice cut through Rodney's musings.
Blinking Rodney looked up at her, smiling down at him, and nodded, taking a big bite out of his sandwich as he did so.
"See you later, Jennifer," Teyla said as she started to leave, shooting Rodney an odd look as she did so.
Rodney shrugged internally and continued eating, only becoming aware that Teyla was staring at him. "What?" he said, a little more heatedly that he'd intended, but he was getting tired of people staring at him.
Teyla smiled at him and shook her head. "It is nothing," she said. "So, thing are well with you?"
"Getting there," Rodney replied. "Finally had a breakthrough with the device so we should have some idea what its purpose is before too long."
"That is good news," Teyla said. "And just in time for us to start our missions again."
"Yes, missions," Rodney repeated with a sigh, wondering just what disaster was waiting for them out there this time.
"You are not looking forward to getting back into the field?" Teyla asked, her own excitement at doing so shining brightly from her eyes.
Rodney shrugged, "Not particularly. I mean, we've not exactly had the best run of luck when it comes to going off-world."
A small furrow creased Teyla's brow. "Well, while it is true we have had to face many unpleasant situations," she replied slowly, "we have triumphed over each one."
Rodney snorted at that - unpleasant situations indeed. "By the skin of our teeth."
An eyebrow quirking at the unusual turn of phrase, Teyla nodded before a wicked smile came over her face. "But is that not just the way we roll?"
Rodney laughed despite himself. Calming only to say, "I guess, but that doesn't mean we can't roll a little more gently for a while. We could all do with a break - some of us more than others."
"Oh? You are feeling unwell?" Teyla asked, her concern evident.
"No, no, not me," Rodney said, waving away her worry. "John - haven't you noticed how tired he's looking?"
For some unfathomable reason, a pleased smile flashed briefly across Teyla's face before her expression smoothed over once more. "He has been taking on a lot of extra responsibilities of late," she admitted. "But I do not think that there is a real need for concern, Rodney."
"Really?" Rodney pressed, surprised that Teyla hadn't picked up on the true extent of John's condition. Out of all of them, he'd have thought she'd have been the one to see what exactly was going on.
Teyla shrugged, "But then I have not seen much of him recently, Rodney. If you think that he is not well, perhaps you should talk to him."
"Oh, yeah," Rodney replied sarcastically. "Because talking to John always goes down so well."
"I think you will find it will go more smoothly than you think," Teyla said, her expression quite earnest as Rodney boggled at her.
"Are you serious?" he asked. "Because this is John Sheppard we're talking about here - perhaps the man least likely to respond well to talking. And even if he were, I am hardly the ideal candidate to talk to him in the first place."
When Teyla opened her mouth to respond, he waved whatever it was she was about to say away with a flick of his hand. "Besides which," he continued a little morosely. "My 'manly' talks haven't exactly gone down all that well recently."
"Oh?" Teyla questioned with a raised eyebrow.
Rodney took another bite of his sandwich, scowling as he chewed. "Ronon," he muttered darkly once he'd swallowed.
Teyla tilted her head to one side in question. "How so? I had thought your mission together on M33-985 would have brought you closer."
Rodney scoffed at that. "Yeah, not so much. One minute everything's fine - I mean, he's doing his tracking thing and I'm... well... helping, and then the next he's biting my head off. And then," Rodney continued, really on a roll now. "When we get back here - having both rescued Jennifer might I add - he goes all cave-man on me."
Teyla frowned a little at that. "I'm sure he did not intend to give you that impression, Rodney," she reassured him.
"Yes, well, I'm not so sure about that," Rodney replied. "He seemed pretty clear about getting his message across."
"Message?"
"Yes," Rodney said, again surprised that Teyla hadn't picked on Ronon's attachment to Jennifer. "That he is intending to..." he floundered a little searching for the right word, "... to court Jennifer."
If anything, his explanation seemed to confuse Teyla further.
"You know," he said, feeling rather frustrated at having to spell things out like this. "He was warning me off."
"Ah," Teyla said, her expression clearing at last, "I see." She regarded him closely for a moment before taking a sip of her tea. "And you see his interest in Jennifer as a threat?" she asked carefully.
Rodney opened his mouth to say 'yes', but then closed it again before speaking, suddenly wondering whether he truly did see Ronon's words that way. While it was true that, at the time, he'd only been able to sense hostility from Ronon, there hadn't been any hostility in Ronon's tone when they'd talked again the night before. If anything, it was almost as if Ronon had been trying to tell him something, not that Rodney had been able to figure out quite what. Plus he'd been very helpful in reassuring Rodney about John.
With this new information in mind, Rodney amended his reply. "I did at first," he admitted. "But now I'm not so sure. I mean, I think he was worried about Jennifer and... well, I guess he's interested in her too. Has been ever since the quarantine situation."
Teyla nodded her agreement. "And what about you?" she asked. "Have you been interested in Jennifer that long?"
"Well, no," Rodney answered, a tad uncomfortably. "I was, you know, with Katie at the time..." he let his words drop off as he thought back to how very muddled he'd been about everything that day. He'd gone from nervous excitement at the prospect of proposing to confused depression in the wake of John's reaction to his plan to the dawning understanding that he was on the brink of making a huge mistake. He'd avoided proposing in the end - finally seeing that Katie was not right for him - but, to this day, he'd yet to get to the bottom of John's reaction. The whole situation with Jennifer had not happened until sometime later and, even now, he was starting to see that maybe he wasn't as committed to it as he perhaps ought to be. After all, the one thing he didn't want was a repeat of the messy break-up he'd had with Katie. "I just don't know," he muttered to himself at last.
A soft sound for Teyla had him glancing up to find her smiling softly at him. "On the contrary," she said, her voice warm. "I think you do know, I only think you, as yet, do not see."
Read 'Making Sense' part 2 here.
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