Fic: When I Sorrow Most (McKay/Sheppard, NC-17)

[sgasesa-admin.livejournal.com]

Title: When I Sorrow Most
Author: the_cephalopod
Recipient: sheafrotherdon
Pairing: McKay/Sheppard
Rating: NC-17
Word Count: ~55,000 words
Warnings: Angst, but I can guarantee a happy ending.
Spoilers: Set early in season 3, so nothing for anything recent.
Author's notes: Happy Christmas Cate! Thank you for your lovely multi-optioned prompt; I tried to encompass as much as possible - I hope you enjoy! Many thanks to my amazing betas - you know who you are - and to moonlettuce and alyse for organising such a wonderful fic exchange!

Summary: "Hey," John said, trying to lighten the tone a little. "The IOA are getting better," he said, reaching across the bed to flick the little Canadian flag on Rodney's jacket before nodding his head towards Ronon and Teyla.

"Yes, well, I suppose so," Rodney sniffed. "It's not as if they could do without me, anyway."

"Or indeed any of us," Teyla added with a smile.

"Well, I hope you all realise that our success is entirely down to the exceptional talent and expertise of your team leader," John said.

"Oh, yes, of course," Rodney replied sarcastically. "We'd be nothing without you."

When I Sorrow Most

Please note, due to the size of this story, it is being hosted offsite.

Comments

[sheafrotherdon.livejournal.com]

Goodness, gracious, that was EPIC. It's taken me most of the day, between everything else, and a good hour here at the day's end to read this through, and I feel like I'll be turning this over in my mind for a long time!

First of all - when I asked for John and Rodney dumbface in love, and angst with a happy ending, and world-building, I never imagined someone would roll them all together like this! I'm truly amazed at how many things you wove into this story, and so happy about it!! I love the Team-ness of it, love that there's so much interaction between Rodney and Teyla and Ronon, and that the shorter appearances by Lorne and Radek are so wonderfully fleshed out. The world-building was amazing - and I love that the Catarans have cars! All hail a world where everyone's progressed beyond medieval sets! The attention to detail made me gleeful - it sticks in my mind that the buildings on Catara were built with mortar, and that the team would notice because that's such an unusual thing. It's little details like that that make it feel real, and solid, and a world I could visit (with the right sort of means ;D )!

The science here is a thing of beauty, and you used the Team to such great effect to show Rodney operating on one level and yet able to explain it to others (most especially the reader!) in comprehensible terms. I appreciated, so much, all the thought that had to have gone into putting the plot and the science together, because you plugged every hole - explaining why the Wraith weren't anywhere near; explaining how the orbiting vessel was invisible to them for so long; explaining a division between the workings of state and the workings of private industry that would lead to a breakdown, or a manipulation of the Cataran system. Oh, and speaking of Catarans - Trin was wonderfully realized. The passage where John ruminates on the difference between Rodney's intelligence and Trin's is just so astutely done, and it fleshes out John as a military commander as well as someone who's invested in Rodney's general well-being.

I dug the fact that the tenses changed with the switch between past and present in the story's timeline, and that the POV switch matched each section break. It served the purpose of allowing you to tell so much more of the story than with a single POV (which I noticed as a writer) but it also just added to the depth and richness of the tale (which I relished as a reader!)

There's just so much here - from Rodney's atypically messy room (complete with discarded clothes at the end), to the Earth politics that intrude upon Atlantis, to the multiple ways John constantly scans for exits and points of defense, drawing on lessons learned. I can't imagine how much time this took you, and I am grateful for every minute - and now I'm off to my journal to tell everyone else to come over here and read this beauty!

THANK YOU! ♥

[seekergeek.livejournal.com]

Man, this is absolutely crazy awesome! I applaud you!

[zinfic.livejournal.com]

*hearts so much*

[ampliflyer.livejournal.com]

This was good. I enjoyed reading this really much, thank you!

[dossier.livejournal.com]

the structure really worked; seeing Rodney in distress at the beginning, and then as an utter wreck at the end is almost a straight line, with only the tenor of the distress changing. His dilemma at the end is real, feels real, great Rodney voice! Also, the shift to John's POV in the 'before' and the slow reveal is very clever; leading very naturally to the conclusion/rescue, and provides the the emotional peaks upward to contrast with the Rodney story line. This would have not worked (or been an entirely different story) if it had been a straightforward narrative. Also interesting is the that the true antagonist is the state of Rodney's emotions; not Fadar Trin, whose role is reduced to causality. He's barely a villain, we sense his intent, and only see the result.

the world building and science is fantastic. the way the other characters see Rodney, inferred by their actions and the way that Rodney perceives those actions, he's not an entirely reliable narrator, just skewed a few degrees by his emotions, and his normal world view. thanks, I really enjoyed reading this!

[busaikko]

This is glorious! You've done yourself proud *throws confetti*

[cedara]

Wow. Impressive.

[chaps1870.livejournal.com]

The science in this story was truly awesome and gave it such credibility. The back and forth between past and present was wonderfully done as we were eased closer and closer to the final culmination. The depth of John and Rodney's emotions was so well done and left the reader wanting them back together so badly.

A brilliant story from start to finish.

[sgamadison.livejournal.com]

I simply *adored* this story. I loved the fact that you used Science and the Team to such great effect and that we got to see how other members of the expedition contributed in their own ways as well. The changing tenses and POV were also highly effective in pulling us into the story and keeping the reader perched on the edge of the seat to find out what happened next. And what an epic! I don't think this story could have been told in such depth without being this long, and I'm so glad that you took the time to tell it in such rich detail.

I particularly loved the scenes between Rodney and John where John realizes that though *everything* has changed, nothing has changed as well, and they can still snark and function as a team. And I loved the part where they're dragging rescued!John out the door and he's demanding to be given a gun, that he's just fine...too, too perfect!

What a terrific story!

[ratcreature]

This was a great story, I liked it a lot.

[fanficfan.livejournal.com]

This story blossoms through its deep roots--set into the many layers of relationships on Atlantis; the special connections of team members; life on Cantara; John and Rodney's relationships as friends, team leader and member, lovers. I'll second the praise of others here, and add further that is was great to see how John was able to balance some sly caresses and teasing of Rodney during their initial stay on Catara, all without ever overwhelming Rodney's composure, overstepping decorum, or losing sight of their professional goals for being on the planet. A credit to the character we admire and your skills depicting him and his interactions. Rodney rocked, too!

[bluespirit-star.livejournal.com]

What a fabulous story!
This is such a wonderful love story & also a great team story (which isn't that easy to pull off!)
I loved it - thank you!
*hugs*

[djinanna.livejournal.com]

It may just be my imagination after that quick course in particle physics, and I haven't yet finished the story (I'm at the point where Rodney figures out how to reverse the effects of the Big Ancient Artifact of Doom), but I am seeing little glimmerings of the story structure as, um, duplicating the actions of a particle reactor, slamming two different particles/story timelines together to create a new particle/story timeline ... and then my fuzzy understanding of particle physics breaks down as I see additional glimmerings of in-jokes involving meta-plots and strange timelines - or maybe meta-timelines and strange plots - and a new quantum stability.

Uh, maybe I'm just imagining it. Probably just imagining it. I'll go be quiet now and finish reading.

[xela-fic.livejournal.com]

Holy epic fic batman! This is wow! I'm impressed with what you've done here. Great world building! I love the Cataran homeworld. Wonderful.

[margec01.livejournal.com]

This is a fantastic story. Long and plotty. Often I don't like the separated-and-they're-searching-for-a-teammate story, because that means the team isn't together. But telling the story both in the present and in the past keeps John with us and his team throughout most of the story. And Rodney, Teyla, and Ronon are a wonderful team as they won't give up the fight to save John.

I really liked showing that Teyla and Ronon have their own useful tasks when they return to Catara, especially Ronon. All we have seen of Ronon on the show is grunting, eating, and fighting, and I was happy to see him working with the sensor sweeps here--a damn fine team they make, indeed!

The love story between John and Rodney was also excellent, especially the angst where they are so happy to then John being torn away from Rodney. But it makes the ending, where they get back together all the more special. Great hurt/comfort at the rescue as well--from all the team, too.

Extra points for reminding me of all the various particles which have been discovered/postulated since I last took a physics class. And it all made sense, too!

Great story as always. Er, yes, that means I did figure out who wrote this one. (g) And that just let me settle in, knowing it was going to be a great read. (Though Cate's rec had pretty much convinced me of that before I started.)

[sundara.livejournal.com]

Took me all day, in between other things, to finish this...what a great way to spend the day! Love seeing Rodney in control (of both himself AND saving the day.) Love the team interaction, and how Radek and Lorne (and whoever else) stepped up to help them go find out what happened to John. And oh John...what a horrible thing to have suffered. They need to have a week or two OFF, away from Atlantis, somewhere they can lounge around and be lovers at ease with each other, to recover from that ordeal. (Yes...I order it so. Ha.) Thanks for the great read.

[d_odyssey.livejournal.com]

Brilliant! This felt like reading a well researched novel. The richness of the detail is amazing. The Cataran world is so well developed that it seems real. The science in this one is outstanding, love how it is broken down and explained and so plausible, at least to this non-scientist. Ack, poor John in complete darkness, unable to move and even remember was terrifying. My heart broke for Rodney, desperately trying to find John, who is so much more than his team leader, while keeping all his emotions bottled up. Excellent job of showing how sympathetic everyone is to Rodney, especially Lorne and Radek. The team unity, loyalty and love shown through in this. Excellent. Adored the love between John and Rodney, particularly the end where Rodney was re-adjusting and wanted John for himself and John appeared and wouldn't leave, knew what was going on in Rodney's head. Nice bits of humor ie John wanting a gun when he couldn't walk or him trying to get out of the device without any help.

Wonderfully layered with so much emotion - love, angst, loyalty, trust, stubbornness and anger. Speaking of anger, enjoyed seeing Ronon helping out with the scanners and tech instead of just the requisite fighting. Although I did enjoy him towering over and intimidating Trin. Love the world you built and that it was technologically advanced. The changing time line and POV was a great device to build the tension and mystery of what was happening. I couldn't read it fast enough; I needed to know what was going on and where was John. Wow, just a fabulous read! I'd buy the book for this. Excellent story, well thought out, well written and spot on voices for the characters. Thank you!

[the4ts.livejournal.com]

A simply amazing story! So rich, so detailed and full of emotion. Wonderful, wonderful, wonderful. A delicious long read. Thank you so much.

[glitterdash.livejournal.com]

Wow, this was so good! I loved loved loved all the science, that it actually made sense, and how the neutron star was introduced right at the beginning but you didn't even realise the significance until the end -- but most of all, poor Rodney! The structure was so clever, the way it all came together at the end, and had a lovely happy ending! It brightened up my day.

[argosy.livejournal.com]

This was wonderful. So good that I read it *all in one sitting.* Hurray! I especially love how goofy John and Rodney were over each other. So sweet!

[monanotlisa.livejournal.com]

I'm not one for angst, usually, but you build such an intriguing, complex story here, incorporating Ronon and Teyla (whom I've missed so much lately) as well as this their Pegasus galaxy - thanks for sharing.

[the-cephalopod.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much! I can't tell you how thrilled I am that you liked the story. I was really pleased to get your lovely prompt and realise all the potential you'd given me. Stories with strong plots and lots of team interaction are amongst my favourites, so it was wonderful to be able to create something intricate and detailed for you.

As you could probably tell, I'm drawn to writing sci-fi in particular because I can incorporate lots of science into the plot. I'd wanted to write a story about a particle accelerator ever since CERN hit the headlines and this seemed like the perfect opportunity. All the physics used, insofar as Rodney explains it, it is correct. In particular, the idea about nuclear matter being only meta-stable is something hypothesised by physicists such as Witten and others. Although, of course, there is no experimental evidence to suggest that this is something that occurs in nature as then goes on to happen in this story, but, then again, it hasn't been ruled out either...!

The dual timeline came about because I wanted John to have a real presence throughout. I have a weakness for first-time stories, so it also meant I could detail the developing relationship between the boys. I also felt the need to contrast the angst from the 'present' by having a 'past' that was much lighter and happier.

Creating Catara was also a lot of fun, especially as it would have to be nearing our level of scientific advancement for them to be able to at least partially understand to the accelerator itself and to have discovered something of the nature of the pulsar and the make-up of matter itself. I also have to confess to taking particular delight in partially modelling Trin on a physicist I actually know...

There were moments when I wasn't certain I was going to finish on time. I was also worried that I'd rush the ending or that everything would get too bogged down in the science to hold people's interest. I started getting really nervous about it being posted and I just have to say how grateful I was to get your wonderful comment and recommendation, both of which had me beaming for days afterwards.

*hugs*

cep xxx

PS Oh yes, you're right - I am English and I'm afraid that I can't quite bring myself to americanise my spelling... *g*

[the-cephalopod.livejournal.com]

Thank you - I'm so pleased you enjoyed it! cep xxx

[the-cephalopod.livejournal.com]

♥ cep xxx

[the-cephalopod.livejournal.com]

Thank you! I'm so pleased you enjoyed it. cep xxx