Fic: Mistletoe (McKay/Sheppard)

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Title: Mistletoe
Author: gblvr
Pairing: McKay/Sheppard, with bits of others including Lorne/Zelenka
Rating: PG
Recipient: reulann
Spoilers: None
Summary: Ronon + mistletoe = silliness and kisses
Author's Note: Many thanks to my last-minute beta reader, M., and to the mods for letting me (and all of us) play -- this was kinda fun!

~*~

Sweet, innocent, girl-next-door Jennifer Keller was evil, in the way that babies and Disney animals were evil -- the cuteness sucked you in, and before you knew it, you were singing silly songs and making ridiculous faces and wondering when the men in white coats were going to show up and haul you off to the nuthatch. It was the only explanation for what was currently going on.

Keller and one of the nurses had hung mistletoe in the arched doorway of the infirmary, and the first and only person dumb enough to get caught standing beneath it was Ronon. Rodney, who was in the infirmary waiting for someone to remember that he had a headache and needed some aspirin, watched a giggling and blushing Keller explain the tradition of kissing under the mistletoe. When she finished explaining, Ronon grinned and kissed the nurse, then Keller, before reaching up and pulling the mistletoe down.

At first, it was funny to watch -- Ronon had a quirky sense of humor, and he managed to catch odd pairings of people together, without regard for gender or rank, which kind of blew 'Don't Ask, Don't Tell' out of the water.

At the morning staff meeting, Carter and Teyla had laughed when Ronon gleefully pointed out that he was holding mistletoe over their heads, and they leaned in to kiss each other, a quick chaste brush of lips that Rodney was pretty sure would be featuring in quite a few private fantasies. Cadman was less amused when Ronon cornered her in the Gateroom, but she played along and planted a wet kiss on Chuck. She then turned to Ronon, pulled him down to her level by tugging on a handful of dreadlocks and kissed him as well.

Bates looked distinctly uncomfortable when faced with the prospect of kissing Simpson, and he acted as if he was on the verge of bolting when Simpson darted forward with a disgusted 'for chrissakes' and laid one on him. Miko blushed and stammered when she realized Ronon was holding the offending plant over her and John, but it didn't stop her from standing on tiptoe and turning her face up for a kiss. John cupped Miko's shoulders gently as he leaned in and pressed a soft kiss to Miko's cheek.

Several pairs of enlisted men and a few of the officers were caught out and paired off with scientists as well, but they all played along, and laughed it off. In fact, no one declined, most probably because they'd all trained with Ronon, and had their asses handed to them in the guise of learning to defend themselves. They were probably all worried what would happen if they said no, but no one ever accused the scientists and soldiers of Atlantis of stupidity -- well, no one except for Rodney, and really, he had good reason -- so instead of saying no, they just did their best to avoid Ronon.

Some of them were better at it than others -- it looked like Keller was trying to get caught. Ronon trapped her with as many different people as he could, including himself, and everyone thought it was cute that she was most flustered (and incidentally looked most like a cat that got into the cream) when she was kissing Ronon.

John clearly sucked at staying clear of Ronon, as he had only kissed fewer people than Keller: aside from Miko, he'd kissed Ronon, Teyla, Radek, Lorne, Kleinman and every single nurse and doctor on duty in the infirmary, in succession. Rodney watched jealously when John kissed both Miko and Kleinman, and he wondered about the others, wondered if he'd wanted to kiss them, had pressed against any of them with intent, with lust. But it was all for naught, because if rumor was to believed, every single kiss had been as chaste as the one he gave to Miko.

When Biro and Kavanagh kissed under Ronon's watchful eye and then left the mess together, holding hands -- they hadn't even tried to avoid it, nor had Katie Brown, who turned into Parrish's kiss without hesitation -- no one was surprised but John, who looked a bit flummoxed by Biro and Kavanagh before he turned away from watching Katie to stare at Rodney with a speculative look in his eyes.

Others were really good at avoiding Ronon -- Sam had only been kissed once, and Rodney was happy to point out to anyone who would listen that he hadn't had to kiss anyone at all.

Rodney was only a little surprised when he and John walked into the lab early on the second day, and saw a very flushed Lorne leaning over an equally flushed Radek, one hand braced against the wall behind Radek as they whispered together. Rodney looked around, saw nothing on fire or obviously broken, and asked the room at large to explain what the hell was going on. Someone cleared their throat, and said, "Uh...Ronon was just here, hiding in the supply closet--"

Rodney threw his hands up, saying, "Stop -- that's all I need to know." He glanced over at Lorne and Radek, still whispering, but less flushed, and then around the room at the rest of the minions, who were watching as Lorne stepped in even closer to Radek and ran a finger down his arm. John fidgeted, looking anywhere but at Lorne and Radek for a long minute before he bolted, muttering something about inventory.

Rodney watched as John practically vanished, then turned back to where Lorne was trying to wrap himself around Radek.

"Radek, miminko...it's not going to be a problem."

"Ne, Evan. We cannot."

"Please...do you think anyone here cares? Do you think Sheppard would be that hypocritical? He's so in love with-" Lorne stopped talking abruptly when Radek stomped on his foot. "Radek! What the hell?"

"I am sorry...I did not wish for you to say something you might regret." He looked past Lorne's shoulder, meeting Rodney's eyes. "People are listening."

Lorne looked around at Rodney, then back at Radek. "Later. We'll talk about this later." He squeezed Radek's hand and walked out without a backward glance.

When he and John met for lunch (in Rodney's office, a dusty room Ronon didn't know about, and that he never used, except when he really needed somewhere to hide), Rodney wanted to gossip about what he'd seen earlier, but John changed the subject every time Rodney brought it back to Lorne and Radek.

"It's called 'Don't Ask, Don't Tell' for a reason, Rodney. It's just better for everyone if I don't even think about it."

"So you're telling me you're not even the least bit curious?"

"Nope. Got fish of my own to fry."

"Fish of your own.... What does that mean?"

But John wouldn't say, and when he left Rodney was still vibrating with an uncharacteristic need to spill his guts. He locked himself in a distant lab until it passed.

When he entered the main labs later that afternoon, Miko, Simpson and Radek were clustered around Radek's computer, whispering and gesturing, and Radek looked flushed, but pleased. When Rodney passed, they all stopped talking, only to start up again as he sat at his usual lab table. He gave them five minutes before he started yelling....

It was three days later, and Rodney still hadn't been forced into kissing anyone. He was beginning to think Ronon had something against him. All right, yes, he'd been avoiding the man, but so had everyone else, and they'd all been kissed. It was stupid, really, but he almost wanted to throw himself at Ronon and see what happened. But...Rodney was not stupid, so he didn't throw himself at Ronon. It was a near thing, though.

"Is that the time?" It felt like he'd only been working for a few hours, but the clocks all said it was1800. He wasn't actually hungry, but he knew if he waited much longer, all the good stuff would be gone, so he shut down his computer and took off for the mess.

The noise from the mess seemed...bigger than it should have been for 1800 hours, but Rodney just assumed other people had lost track of time like he had, and were eating late. He looked around cursorily for Ronon; when he didn't see him, he got in line, filling a tray with his favorites, and helping himself to an extra cup of coffee. He looked around again, this time for an open table. There weren't any, but there was an open spot at a table with John and Radek.

He sat and grunted a hello before he dug into his plate -- meatloaf and mashed potatoes, with a vegetable that looked like beets and tasted like corn. He was mostly through his dinner when someone clamped a hand on his shoulder.

"McKay." Shit. Ronon. "Been looking for you."

"Uh.... Really? What for-- I, I mean you have been?"

Ronon dangled the sorriest, limpest, most bedraggled sprig of mistletoe he'd ever seen in front of Rodney's nose. "Yep. I figure it's your turn."

"My turn? Oh, no really, that's okay...you should let someone else have my turn."

"I don't know, Rodney, I kinda agree with Ronon. Why should you miss out on all the fun?"

"Says the man who's kissed nearly every cheek and forehead on Atlantis." Rodney knew he sounded catty, but he couldn't help it. "If it's so fun, why haven't you been doing it right?"

"Maybe Ronon just hasn't picked the right person yet. I don't kiss just anyone, you know."

Ronon growled a bit and twitched the mistletoe between them. "Better put your money where your mouth is, Sheppard."

"Put my money where my...?" John jabbed a finger in Ronon's direction as he said, "You are no longer allowed to hang out with the Marines."

"Whatever, Sheppard. Are you going to kiss him, or what?"

"Hey! Don't I get a say in this?"

"No." "Not a chance, Rodney." Ronon and John spoke at the same time, and Ronon pushed against his shoulder, making him lean into John's space.

Radek was laughing aloud from his spot across the table. "Go on, Rodney, is only fair."

"Oh yes, thank you for that, Radek, because life is fair, and...." Rodney trailed off when John framed his face between his palms, and murmured his name.

Rodney focused in on John's mouth, the plump redness of his lower lip, and the perfect bow of his upper lip. He was mesmerized by the pink oval that formed as John's lips parted and his tongue swept over his bottom lip. He took a deep breath and raised his eyes to John's, and just like that, all the air rushed from his lungs and out of the room because he could see...everything...right there in John's eyes. He closed his own eyes, scared he was showing as much, and he startled when John touched his mouth to his forehead.

His heart stuttered, and he felt his eyes begin to prickle -- John was letting him down easy, kissing him just as chastely as he had all the others. He tensed, trying to pull back, but John pressed a kiss to his temple, then to his eye, and to his cheekbone, and then finally, finally he pressed his mouth to Rodney's, a soft, sweet press of lips that seemed to last forever.

The sounds of clapping and catcalling broke through the buzzing in Rodney's head, and he pulled away enough to turn his head and bury his burning face in John's shoulder.

"Wanna get out of here?" John's voice was low and hoarse, and Rodney could hear how much he wanted, how much he needed to be somewhere, anywhere else so they could be alone.

Rodney couldn't answer in words, so he nodded, and turned his head to press a kiss against the rapid flutter of John's jugular.

They got to their feet, shaky and aware of everyone's eyes on them. They'd made it halfway across the room before John stopped, and turned back the way they'd come. When he reached their table, he plucked the droopy branch of mistletoe from Ronon's fingers and put it into his pocket.

"I think I'll be keeping this. And Ronon? Thanks, buddy."

He cocked an eyebrow at Rodney, and tipped his head to the side as if to say, 'Lead on' and Rodney was all too glad to do just that....

-end-