This is fantastic! SGA makes for the best crack!fic and the best AU's, and this certainly proves the rule. I giggled through the entire story - and now I need to get out my "Phantom" CD's and listen to them.

I entirely agree with your third Author's Note - Christine is absolutely a twit. That said, you should read the novel "Phantom" by Susan Kay. It's a great retelling of the story in which Christine going off with Raoul at the end makes better sense than other versions.